Romancing the Villain! The delicious appeal of Bad Boys...

What is it about the appeal of Bad Boys?  A strange thing happened while writing Rowena and the Dark Lord… I appear to have fallen for my villain.

Yes, Thane is the hero, and Rowena is smitten with him.  But her literary creator has become more and more enamoured with bad boy Cedric – the villain of the piece.  Cedric is determined to have Rowena to himself, and he will stop at nothing to get her, including selling his soul to Lucifer.  Cedric messes with the black arts.

Cedric can mess with me anytime.

How the heck did this happen?  I set out to write a funny and sexy adventure, with good guys, bad guys and spunky heroines.  Love that Rowena.  She’s everything I would like to be. Clever, beautiful, sexy… a bit daring, but with a strong moral compass.  Thane is a terrific match for her; strong, smart, loyal, handsome, and the King to boot.  Arch enemy of Cedric of course.

I wanted to make the story rich with characters, so I worked hard to make my villain three-dimensional.  He has thoughts, moods, desires just like anyone else.  And maybe even some good traits.  It’s hard not to be moved by a guy who will risk his life for you.  In fact, it is Cedric  - not the hero - who rescues Rowena from a particularly nasty band of medieval brigands…

Something about that Cedric pulls me.  He’s not as good-looking as Thane.  He probably isn’t as smart. His morals are questionable – maybe nonexistent.  But he is cunning.  He is dynamic.  He is never, ever boring.

Cedric is the typical bad boy.

What it is about men who don’t fit the typical hero mode, but ‘bother’ us, somehow? That’s how Rowena puts it.  “I didn’t like his looks – they bothered me.”  I’ll say they did.  Rowena was rocked to the core!  You see, I know that feeling.  I’ve felt it myself…

Cedric has long red-gold hair.  His eyes are green, and they have an eerie glow when he uses magic. He’s tall, broad and thoroughly masculine, with bands of muscles on his arms.  And he draws her like a moth to fire…

Exciting, that’s the word.  The bad boys in our past made us feel like we were alive.  Living on the edge has its attractions.

So Thane may be the ideal man for Rowena, and for many women.  But Cedric will always be there, in the back of her mind, tempting…promising something that will take her beyond the ordinary, something delicious, enticing…

Damn, that’s attractive.  I can’t kill him off. In fact, he’s the star of book 2, ROWENA AND THE DARK LORD.

Melodie Campbell has over 200 publications and has been published in almost every genre.  She has won nine awards for fiction.

Buy Links:

Book 1, Rowena Through the Wall

 http://www.amazon.com/Rowena-Through-the-Wall-ebook/dp/B00557Z2QU

Book 2, Rowena and the Dark Lord

http://www.amazon.com/Rowena-Dark-Lord-Lands-ebook/dp/B00CIZZS70

Announcing: ROWENA AND THE VIKING WARLORD coming Summer 2014!

Announcing...ROWENA AND THE VIKING WARLORD!

Final contracts have been signed - release date Summer 2014
This is book three in the Land's End trilogy that opened with ROWENA THROUGH THE WALL, the Amazon Top 100 bestseller.

Here's a fun teaser (I'll leave a sexy one later):

I was about to suggest something when a man stepped out from the forest.

He was big and mean-looking, and he held a round shield and an axe. I looked at the burly Viking guy and knew exactly what to do.

“Run!” I yelled.

I took off back toward the river like a crazed bat.

Kendra was yelling something. I turned around to make sure she was right behind me.

She wasn’t. In fact, she hadn’t left the path.

Her back was to me and the Viking guy was lying on his back on the ground. His shield was about six feet away. Kendra was holding the axe.

I ran back to her side.

“What did you do?” I asked, panting.

She shrugged. “There was only one of them, Row.”

Nefertiti, Noses, and the Definition of Pretty by Bad Girl

Many years ago at the Toronto Press Club, a man called me “Striking.”  (For the record, men have called me a lot of other things over the years.  “Bossy” immediately comes to mind.  But I digress.)

I was flattered, I think.  But I wasn’t exactly sure what ‘striking’ meant.  The language of men has always deluded me.  Let’s face it.  The way men think has always deluded me.

I asked around.

“Maybe it means you walk into a room and men feel struck by your beauty,” said friend Kathy, 

helpfully.

“Maybe it means you have a mean left hook,” said former friend John, who discovered that I did.

Recently, a man pointed me to this list of definitions, which apparently makes it all clear. 

Variations on the word ‘Pretty,’ when used to describe a female:

Beautiful: tall and pretty

Cute:  short and pretty

Striking:  pretty with a big nose

Sexy:  pretty with skimpy clothes

Charming: pretty and thinks you’re attractive

Attractive:  just pretty enough (it doesn’t say for what, but we can guess)

Okay, here’s the thing about noses.  My nose, of the good solid Roman variety, apparently made me a good photo model.  “You’re face has great planes,” said a former professional photographer.  “It doesn’t moosh into one flat surface on glossy paper.”

Damn straight, we wouldn’t want a nose that mooshes.  At the same time, I have to wonder about being defined by my nose.

So I asked my husband what ‘striking’ meant to him.

“It means you’re memorable,” he said wisely.  (Meaning, he was wise to say it.)  “Look at history.  That bust of Nefertiti – she had a big nose.  And everyone thinks she was the babe of her century.”

So that brings up another question:  What exactly do they mean by “babe”?

WHY WRITERS DRINK

Below are the 8 stages of birthing a novel, and why fiction writers drink.

 THE STAGE OF:

1  JOY – You are finished your manuscript.  Damn, it’s good!  The best thing you’ve written, and it’s ALL DONE!  Time to open the Glenlivet.

2.  ANGST -  You submit manuscript to your publisher.  Yes, even though they’ve already published 5 of your novels, you still don’t know if they will publish this one.  Will they like it?  Is it as funny as you think it is?  Is it garbage?  Glenlivet is required to get through the next few days/weeks.

3.  RELIEF - They send you a contract – YAY!  You are not a has-been!  Your baby, which was a year in the making (not merely 9 months) will have a life!

Glenlivet is required to celebrate.

4.  ASTONISHMENT – The first round of edits come back.  What do they mean, you have substantive changes to make?  That story was PERFECT, dammit!  This is the 15^th draft, not the 1^st.  Commiserate with other writers over Glenlivet at the Drake. 

5.  CRIPPLING SELF-DOUBT – The changes they require are impossible.  You’ll never be able to keep it funny/full of high tension, by taking out or changing that scene.  What about the integrity?  Motivation? And what’s so darn bad about being ‘too slapstick,’ anyway?  This is comedy! 

Can’t sleep.  Look for Glenlivet.

6.  ACCEPTANCE – Okay, you’re rewriting, and somehow it’s working.  Figured out how to work around their concerns.  New scene is not bad.  Not as good as the original, of course (why couldn’t they see that) but still a good scene.  Phew.  You’re still a professional. 

Professionals drink Glenlivet, right?

 7.  JOY – They accept all your changes!  YAY!  You love your publisher.  All systems go. This baby will have a life. 

Celebrate the pending birth with a wee dram of Glenlivet.

 8.  ANGST -  Are they kidding?  THAT’S the cover? 

THE GODDAUGHTER'S REVENGE a Finalist for the Derringers!

No need for the mob to take revenge....

THE GODDAUGHTER'S REVENGE has been chosen by judges of the Derringer Awards as a finalist in the Novelette category! 

(The Derringer Awards are sponsored by the international Short Mystery Fiction Society.)

Winner will be announced April 1.

PROPER CARE AND FEEDING OF AUTHORS by Bad Girl

Here’s part one of the series (reprinted with permission):

What NOT to ask an author… (especially a Crime Writer who knows at least twenty ways to kill you and not get caught)

There is nothing I love better than meeting readers, both those who already know my writing, and those who are new to my books.   But recently, I was asked to talk about those things that are touchy for an author.  So here goes…a short list of No-Nos!

1.  Do not ask an author how many books she has sold.

Trust me, don’t ask this.

Really, you don’t want to.  It wouldn’t help you anyway.

Because honestly, I’ll lie.

I’m amazed that complete strangers regularly ask this.  Would you ask a lawyer how much money he makes?

Because here’s the bottom line: most of us make about a buck for every book sold, whether paperback, trade paperback or ebook.  Sometimes, it’s less than that.  (Yes, we were shocked too, when we found out.)  So by asking how many books we’ve sold, you can pretty well figure out our income.  And frankly, I don’t want you to.  You see, I write comedies, and it would depress both of us.

Also:  our royalty statements are at least six months behind (at least mine are.)  We don’t KNOW how many books we’ve sold to date on new releases.  Which is probably a good thing for our egos, if we want to keep writing.

 2. Do not ask an author to read your manuscript and critique it for free.

Yikes! 

So many times, I’ve been asked to do this, in a public place, with people overhearing.  Sometimes, by people who don’t even have the decency to buy one’s own book first!

Why this is bad:

First: I am in a place that has been booked for me to sell my books and meet with readers. That’s what I’m there for.  You are taking precious time away from me and my readers.  Believe me, my publisher won’t be happy about this.  Ditto, the bookseller!

Second: Every hour I spend critiquing an aspiring author’s book is an hour I can’t spend working on my own books and marketing them.  Like most novelists, I have a day job.  That means every hour I have to work on my fiction is precious.  Most of us do critique – for a fee.  And many of us teach fiction writing at colleges. 

I’m happy to critique my college students’ work.  I’m getting paid (mind you, meagerly) to do so.  And that’s what I always recommend:  take a college course in writing.  You’ll get great info on how to become a better writer, and also valuable critiquing of your own work.

 3. Do not ask an author to introduce you to her publisher or agent.

Want to see me cringe?

Similar to number 2 above, this puts the author in a very awkward position.  You are in fact asking for an endorsement.  If the author hasn’t read your book, she cannot possibly give it (an honest endorsement.)

Second: You are asking the author to put HER reputation on the line for you.  Do you have the sort of close relationship that makes this worthwhile for her?

4.  Do not ask an author: where do you get your ideas?

Okay, be honest.  You thought I was going to lead with this one.

Actually, you can ask me this.  I’ll probably answer something fun and ridiculous, like:

From Ebay. 

Or: From my magic idea jar.

Or: They come to me on the toilet.  You should spend more time there.

Because the truth is, we don’t know exactly.  After teaching over 1000 fiction writing students at Sheridan College, I have discovered something: some students are bubbling over with ideas.  Others – the ones who won’t make it – have to struggle for plots.  It seems to be a gift and a curse, to have the sort of brain that constantly makes up things.

I’ve been doing it since I was four.  My parents called it lying.  That was so short-sighted of them.

Opening to THE GODDAUGHTER’S REVENGE (Orca Books)

    Okay, I admit it. I would rather be the proud possessor of a rare gemstone than a lakefront condo with parking. Yes, I know this makes me weird. Young women today are supposed to crave the security of owning their own home

     But I say this. Real estate, shmeel estate. You can’t hold an address in your hand. It doesn’t flash and sparkle with the intensity of a thousand night stars, or lure you away from the straight and narrow like a siren from some Greek odyssey.
     Let’s face it. Nobody has ever gone to jail for smuggling a one bedroom plus den out of the country. 

     However, make that a 10-carat cyan blue topaz with a past as long as your arm, and I’d do almost anything to possess it.
    But don’t tell the police.

 

Melodie Campbell got her start writing comedy.  She has nine awards for fiction, over 200 publications and was a finalist for the 2012 Derringer, and both the 2012 and 2013 Arthur Ellis awards. She is the Executive Director of Crime Writers of Canada.

FLYING THE FRIENDLY SKIES... by Bad Girl (reprinted from The Sage)

This post is particularly timely, as I just got off a plane.  That will be another column (a painful one) but for now, I'll lead with this.

I love England.  But I hate getting there.

One of the worst things about going to England (worse than the food) is that there are only two ways to get there, and both involve traveling over large bodies of water in which there are no visible lifeguard chairs.

The first way involves being awfully close to that vast expanse of water.  Almost within arms-reach of it, you could say, for several days at a time.  Bearing the Titanic in mind, I prefer to think that water is best mixed with scotch.  So I usually opt for the second way: via British Scareways. Ha ha!  Just kidding.

Of course I mean British Airways, and what could possibly be scary about flying 30,000 feet over Iceland and Greenland in the middle of winter, in something called an Air Bus?  (Does a Greyhound Bus suddenly sprout wings?  Like a street car might decide to become a submarine?  Who thinks up these names?)

Pass the scotch.

And why is the pilot always young enough to still have an acne problem? It does something to your confidence.  Sort of like finding out the surgeon who is about to take out your appendix paid his way through med school last year by working in a butcher shop.

I always like it when the Flight Attendant takes over the mike. It’s so comforting.  First she shows you how to slip the little oxygen mask over your mouth and nose, so that you’ll be breathing perfectly when you hit the ground at 700 miles per hour.  Then she shows you how to strap on the orange inflatable vest, and points to the emergency exits with their built-in slides, in case we have to land on water.

Not that I want to alarm anyone, but I’m fairly sure there are no landing strips on the Atlantic Ocean.  And I have it on good authority that Air Busses (the flying kind) weren’t designed to double as boats. 

But what the heck: it’s a comfort to know that when we crash-land in the middle of the ocean, we’ll still be breathing oxygen, wearing fancy floatation devices, be pickled in scotch, and in perfect physical condition for the sharks to eat.

That’s thinking ahead.

Melodie Campbell writes funny books.  You can buy The Goddaughter mob caper series at Chapters/Indigo, Barnes&Noble and Amazon.