Thursday 23 February 2012

Rowena Through the Wall, edition 2 FREE today only!

Rowena Through the Wall, edition 2 is FREE Feb. 23 on!

Currently sitting at #2 fantasy/futuristic and #73 on the top 100 bestseller list

Download your free copy today!

Click here:

Here are reader favorites:

"Stuck in a medieval world without a single change card!"

"Jack Sparrow meets Stephanie Plum!"

"The Princess Bride....with Sex!"

Thanks to all my readers in North America and Europe

Monday 20 February 2012

ROWENA THROUGH THE WALL, Edition 2, Released today!

I have a wonderful publisher.
When the reviews came in for my comic time travel novel Rowena Through the Wall, they were everything I could have wanted (oh, the relief!) However, a common theme started to appear: readers wanted a happy ending at the end of the first book of the series.

My publisher listened. So today, Rowena Through the Wall, Edition 2, has been released on Amazon. This expanded edition adds a fantastic and fun ending to this episode of Land's End. The paperback will be out in March. Rowena Through the Wall: Expanded Edition eBook: Melodie Campbell: Kindle Store

Tuesday 14 February 2012

Burglars Beware! This place is rigged...(reprinted with permission)

Somebody tried to sell me a home security device the other day.  Apparently, this device is rigged so that it would alert me when someone was breaking into the house.  This amazed me, in that – if I am home – I usually know when someone is breaking into my house.  Rather than announce his presence (“A Burglar, Madam”) it would seem to me a lot more useful if someone would invent something that would bop the intruder over the head.

But I don’t need fancy home security systems because there is no possible way a burglar could get past my secret weapon.  It’s cheap and it’s foolproof.  It’s so fiendish, I expect it will soon be outlawed at the next Geneva Convention.  Let me put if this way: if the Spanish Inquisition had known about it, everyone would have confessed to everything.

To wit:
LOCATION:  Madrid, 15-something-or-other, in a damp dungeon (not even a three-star)

“Stubborn, eh?  Still won’t confess?  Okay, Cardinal Fang – bring the secret weapon!”
<horrified gasps all around>

“Not the <gulp> not the…”

“Yes! <fiendish giggle> Get the little pieces of LEGO!”
<screams of unparalleled anguish and fear>

“ARGH!  No, please!  No!  I confess!”

It works like this:  You step on the itty bitty piece of Lego, whereupon it pierces your bare foot, sending searing needles of agony all the way up to your brain.  This in turn causes all of your bones to suddenly melt and turn you into a pain-filled gibbering mass of Jello on the floor. 

I don’t know if you have ever walked barefoot across a minefield of individual Lego bits, but believe me, General Schwartzkoff missed out on a good weapon.  Marbles have a similar effect but those little plastic Lego corners kinda put the icing on the proverbial cupcake.  Methinks the Lego people have missed a terrific marketing opportunity here.  In fact, right after this column is done, I’m going into business.  “Killer Lego” should be on the shelves by Christmas, ready to be scattered on floors everywhere.

Actually, if you really want to keep burglars away, it’s simple.  Throw a few ride-um toys on the front lawn of your home – preferable boy ones.  Then everyone will know you have kids, so there couldn’t possibly be anything of value left inside…