Friday 29 April 2016

THE GODDAUGHTER CAPER Launch raises $400 for the Hamilton Literacy Council!

Many thanks to everyone who came out for the launch of The Goddaughter Caper last night in Ancaster! We had a blast. Ran out of cannoli.

Thanks to Joan O'Callaghan for the hearse and coffin cookies, and to Pam Pamela Blance for the dark chocolate truffles!
And a special thanks to Gareth Bond, Don Graves and Cathy Astolfo for the kind roasting of the author.
(Unfortunately, the McGodfather (Dave in kilt) forgot to bring the camera, so pix may be slow in coming.)
Congrats to the two winners of the Best Mob Costume (immediately below)

Sunday 24 April 2016

THE GODDAUGHTER CAPER Launch Take 2! Barring hurricanes, tornadoes, this book WILL LAUNCH this Thursday!

Okay, the weather gods didn't like me much in March.  (Snow, ice, frogs, locusts, on the scheduled day of book launch.)

 Don't make me eat 50 cannoli by myself again!

Registration is only required if you want a cannoli.  Come Anyway.

Monday 18 April 2016

Where have all the Readers gone? (in which our Bad Girl gets serious for a change...)

Read interesting stats today from Kobo.
Apparently, 75% of ebook readers are women.

(Back in the days when I first started teaching about writing, the early 90s, the stat was 60%. That is, 60% of readers were women .)

Back to the Kobo study:
Of that 75% of readers who are women, 77% are 45 and older.

The largest single group (30%) are 55-64 years old.  (I now fit in that age group. Curses.)

The reports states that the average prolific reader (that would be me) buys on average 16 print books a year and 60 ebooks.

For all you math types, that's a total of 76 books.

Back up to my college class two weeks ago.  I ran a quick poll.  "How many books do you read in a year?"  I asked.

The poll was confidential.  I ripped up pieces of paper and had them write down their total.  They dropped the anonymous slips on a table on the way out.

The results were shocking.  Let me state first that this is a college credit continuing education class, so we have students of all ages in it.  Crafting a Novel is at the top end of the Creative Writing Certificate - most people take it last, because it is rigorous.  (You have to write a full synopsis and many chapters of your novel by the end.)  So these aspiring novel writers would be avid readers, right?

Books Read in a Year:

Most number of books read:  26
Average number of books read:  7
Least number of books read:  1

Yes, in a writing class of 20, only one person reads 2 books a month.
And one fellow manages to read one book a year.  But he wants to write a novel.

By now, if you are a writer, you should be hitting your head against your desk.

So who is reading books out there?
Aged 55-64

And what are they reading?
General Fiction (whatever that is)
(But twice the number of romance books as the other two categories.)

I have 20 students in my Crafting a Novel class.
No one is writing romance.
No one is writing mystery.
Almost everyone is writing a Hunger Games clone.  (Not the exact title. You know what I mean.)

Stephen King said it best.  "If you want to be a writer, you have to do two things: read a lot and write a lot."

For established writers, reading is part of our professional development.  Every published novelist I know reads several books a month.  I read an average of two books a week.  That's over 100 books a year.  (One hour a night, people.  That's seven hours a week.  Not unreasonable.)

I weep.  I weep for the waste of time, effort and paper.  Can somebody please tell me why anyone would set out to write a novel when they don't read and read and read as a hobby?

Monday 4 April 2016

Bad Girl's 'What Not To Wear' (and what's left)

I just emptied my closet of everything that doesn’t fit.  Hoo boy.  Have I been living in a dream world.  On the other hand, I can find all four remaining items quickly now.  (okay, six.)

Three sizes of clothes were in that closet. Three.  Sizes one and two (not their real names) were obviously made in China, where voluptuous is a concept rarely understood. 

Itemized list of remaining items:

1.      One sapphire blue chiffon evening gown, cut to there.  Yup, requires a special bra, one of those ‘plunge’ bras (and I don’t mean push up.)  I call this dress “my last hurrah.” See, my theory is, people are so mesmerized watching to see if the girls are going to fall out, that they don’t notice the rest of the bod.  (Don’t knock it – works for me.)

2.       One not horrible silk kimono tunic top.  Cost the earth (meaning more than 50 bucks.)  The current ‘go-to’ favourite for book signings.  (Now, the only choice for book signings.)  Also blue.  Seeing a trend here.

3.       One pair of boring black pants.  The ones with the adjustable waistline, and by that I mean a choice of two buttons.  (I tried elastic once.  Not on my A list.  I don’t contract well under pressure.  Remember those dolls little girls used to play with that were made to resemble a real baby? (Pee hole and all.) You squeezed them and…nuff said.)

4.       My funeral dress.  Black. Shapeless.  I was hoping it didn’t fit.  Wish it were blue.
5.       One navy and emerald green Nygard designer jacket that goes with nothing.  (Of course, there’s nothing left in the closet for it to go with.  I’ve just given it all away.)

6.      A blouse I hate.  But it fits.  (That’s why I hate it.)

It looks lonely in there.  Think I better empty the dresser drawers and hang up some sweaters.  And maybe a yoga pant or two.  Bras?  They hang them up in stores, don’t they?  Do cotton nightgowns count? 

Of course, clearing out a closet after nine years (the last time we moved) is a lot of work.  Some might say, it is more work than losing a few pounds to get back into some of these clothes.  (Okay, so I’m going to hell for that lie.  Humour me.)

But I have a theory about that.   Everybody knows if you want to get pregnant, forget about taking your temperature and all that crap; the quickest way to get pregnant it is to give away your maternity clothes.  So I figure…give away my thin clothes, and I’m BOUND to lose weight.

 Me, wearing my winter coat.  It's blue (big surprise).  And it still fits.  So it's going everywhere.  Thank gawd for air conditioning in summer.