Do you get into the Spirit of Christmas?
I’m not interest in the Spirit of Christmas and I’ve told him that a hundred times! (Honestly…it’s these office Christmas parties. Everyone gets embalmed.)
For Christmas, may I interest you in private flying lessons? Free of charge, my dear…
Signed, Ace Pilot
No thanks. I’m not much on school. A ghost tried to teach me how to walk through walls once…he had to go through it again and again…
Can I interest you in custom-designed fruit baskets for your dearest friends.
Signed, The Custom Grocer
No thanks. I gave a Christmas food basket to Thing last year and it bombed horribly. He just didn’t have the stomach for it.
I’m quitting smoking starting Jan. 1. Are you making any New Years resolutions this year?
Yup. As soon as the vulture dinner is over, I’m becoming a vegetarian. (At least when you carve a pumpkin, it doesn’t try to eat you back.)
I was a good girl all year, and all Santa brought me was a large frog. Frankly, I feel cheated.
Honey, I don’t blame you, so be sure to follow my advice: Be very bad next year and Santa may bring you a Prince. (And if you don’t get the Prince, at least you will have had a smashing good time all year!)
Morticia will return to these pages unless someone pays off her creator big time.