Monday 29 October 2012

Campbell donates profits from the THE GODDAUGHTER book launch to the Hamilton Literacy Council

For immediate release:

Local Author Donates Profits from THE GODDAUGHTER Book Launch to the Hamilton Literacy Council.

When The Goddaughter launches Nov. 6 at the Westdale branch of the Hamilton Library, more than the author will be celebrating.  Profits from the launch will be donated by the author, plus Orca Books will be donating a complete set of classroom books to the Hamilton Literacy Council.

The Hamilton Literacy Council…best identified by their vision…”Hamilton Reads”…helps adults learn the basic reading, writing, math and essential skills needed to reach their personal  goals through small group classes and one-to-one  tutoring.

“Literacy is dear to my heart,” says Melodie Campbell, author of The Goddaughter, published by Orca Books. “And The Goddaughter is a comic mob caper set in Hamilton.  So naturally, I wanted to launch it here.”

Campbell is a former comedy writer who has also taught communications to all levels of students at Sheridan College.  The Goddaughter is part of the Rapid Reads series, an adult book series designed as easy readers.

“I call them GO Train mysteries, or a ‘Sunday afternoon cozy.’  The publisher calls them Rapid Reads. Either way, it involves a first-rate mystery storyteller,” says Don Graves, reviewer for the Hamilton Spectator.

As to the type of story, a Library Journal review of The Goddaughter makes that clear: “Campbell’s comic caper is just right for Janet Evanovich fans.  Wacky family connections and snappy dialogue make it impossible not to laugh.”’  Stolen gemstones, a reluctant mob goddaughter, and a cross country chase make for a whole lot of laughs!

Copies of The Goddaughter will be available for purchase on the night of the launch, Nov. 6, 7-8:30 PM at the Westdale branch of the Hamilton Library, 955 King St. W.  The book is also available at Chapters/Indigo stores, most independent booksellers and online at Chapters/Indigo, Kobo, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and others.

For more information, please contact…
Melodie Campbell, Author,  905-582-0967
Helen McLeod, Executive Director, Hamilton Literacy Council, 905-529-9907   ext  228

Wednesday 17 October 2012

MIDSUMMER MIDWESTERN - (Definitely not a western/fairy/vampire/zombie romance, but quite possibly a spoof)

I have been accused of many things, one of which is writing spoofs. Say not, I plead.  And to prove it, here is page one from my latest in-progress:


The stage coach came to a full stop, but not before it pitched to and fro, throwing me into the seat opposite.  Which was fully occupied.  

“Damnation,” said the Duchess.  No, that was me, actually.  I’ve always wanted to start a book with that line.  Too bad I’m really just a temporal law enforcement officer in deep cover.

The man I had the misfortune to be sprawled across appeared to be shocked.  Well, blow my cover and a whole lot of other things.  If he wasn’t the sexiest thing I’d seen in a mule’s age, whatever that is.

I looked right into his baby-poop brown eyes.  “I am so sorry,” I said with a drawl newly acquired..  “I am truly embarrassed.  Help me up, will you?”  I shoved my right hand against the seat back beside him and tried to push back.  Not good.  My cleavage got stuck under his chin.

With a smooth move, he grasped my upper arms with his hands and fair lifted me off.  I was plunked back down on the seat opposite.

“Thank you,” I said.

“No, thank you.”  He tipped his ten litre hat.  “That’s as close as I’ve got to a woman in a mule’s age.”

That settled it.  I simply had to find out how long mules lived.

Melodie's latest comedy, THE GODDAUGHTER, is now available in Chapters, Indigo, Barnes &Noble, and online at Amazon, Chapters and other retailers.

Friday 12 October 2012

I AM NOT A “sexy porn gerl” and other Twitter Mishaps - repeated by popular request

I've received many requests asking me to repeat this post (can't imagine why...) And yes, it hasn't stopped yet...

I AM NOT A “sexy porn gerl” and other Twitter Mishaps.

It started with the Berlin Brothel.  Lord knows why a brothel in Berlin decided to follow me on Twitter.  I don’t live in Berlin.  I’ve never worked in a brothel.  Don’t think I’ve even typed the word ‘brothel’ before now.  I certainly haven’t said it out loud.

Then some wag from Crime Writers of Canada said: “Maybe they’ve read your book Rowena Through the Wall.  That’s it!  The girls who work there have to do something in their downtime.”

Let me do a cyberspace blush here.  Okay, my first book is a little hot.  “Hot and hilarious” as one reviewer put it.  But it’s not x-rated.  It’s not even R, according to my daughter.  (Husband has yet to read it.  We’ve hidden it well.)

But back to Berlin.  I didn’t follow them back.
Somehow, that didn’t matter.  The word was out.

‘Amateurvids’ announced they were following me.  Good, I thought.  I like nature films.  Take it from me, this outfit doesn’t film bunnies in the wild.  Well, maybe a certain type of wild bunny.

I didn’t follow them back.

Then ‘Dick Amateur’ showed up, wanting to connect. Friend Gloria read a few of his posts and then said: “You at least deserve a Pro.”

So I didn’t follow him back.

Next, I got “Swingersconnect” following me.  Swingers?  I get sick on a tire hanging from a tree!

I didn’t follow them back.

Then two days ago, an outfit specializing in ‘male penis enhancement’ turned up.  Now, I ask you.  Do I look like a male in my profile photo?  Is Melodie a male name?  And not to be pedantic, but isn’t ‘male’ in front of the p-word a bit redundant?  Is there any other kind?

Which brings me to the tweet in my twitter-box today:  “Hey sexy porn gerl!” (yes, that’s girl with an e).  Let me state categorically that I am not now and have never been a “sexy porn gerl” (with an ‘e’ or any other vowel).

You wouldn’t want me to be.  No one would.  For one thing, I can’t see two feet in front of me without glasses.  Things that used to be perky now swing south. And my back hurts if I bend over to pick up a grape. 

So I’m not following them back.

Melodie's latest novel 'THE GODDAUGHTER" is "Hilarious" - Ellery Queen, and "Impossible not to laugh" - Library Journal.  

Saturday 6 October 2012

Lecture 27 - "When *I* was Young..." reprinted with permission

For mothers everywhere....

3:30 at the local school and it’s raining like autumn in Vancouver.  In front of me, two hundred Audis and no parking.  I pull my trusty Chevy in behind them and prepare to match up with my offspring.

It’s a funny thing about kids.  They can do gymnastics three times a week, soccer on Saturday morning and cruise the mall for hours.  But don’t ever ask them to walk home from school.  Some can’t even make it as far as the car.

“What took you so long?”  Daughter number one waits until the car pulls directly in front of the entrance before venturing a foot out from the overhang.

“Precious.  It is pouring rain.  I have been doing the complete Dallas Cowboys Cheerleading routine at the side of the road trying to get your attention.  I think the least you could do is walk the distance to the car."

“You want me to WALK?  In THESE shoes?  You’ve got to be kidding.  I might get them wet.”  The door slams shut and we start to inch along the circular drive.  “Besides, I’m tired.  I’ve been in school all day, you know.”

“How come you can cruise the whole of Oakville Town Centre with your friends, but can’t make it twenty feet to the car?”

I can’t help it.  Maybe the drenching has made my brain soggy.  Lecture 27 spews forth of its own accord.

“When *I* was young, we walked to school.  Yup, two miles, in the freezing cold, through four foot snow drifts-“

“Uphill both ways.”  She interjects.

“-uphill both ways,” I finish.  I think she’s heard this one before.  “AND another thing.”  It gets worse.  “About those shoes…when I was young, we didn’t have fancy shoes like that.  No sir, we made do with sneakers, and – by golly – we were grateful.  We even wore them until they had holes in them.”

“You want me to wear shoes with holes in them?” she asks, excited.

“Don’t change the subject.”

“What IS the subject?”

“Genetics.  Natural selection as it relates to the modern world.  How kids today should have been born with wheels instead of feet.”

“MOM!”  She is jubilant.  “You bought me roller-blades?”