If The Goddaughter moved to other Genres (a seriously non-serious post)

Last year at about this time, my publisher gave me a challenge. 

“We want to try some women’s fiction for the Rapid Reads line,” she said.  “So I need a book from you by June.”

Huh?  Me, the scribe of mob comedy, write Chicklit?  Romance?  Okay, can I make it funny, I asked?  Luckily they went thumbs up.  And so Worst Date Ever comes out in September this year.

More on that later.  This column is about something else.

Point being, all this writing-out-of-genre caused me to think about what would happen if Gina Gallo, the original mob goddaughter, were to be dragged kicking and screaming out of crime, and plunked right down into another genre.  Or three.  So here goes.

Western:

(on a stage coach near you)

Gina:  “Please move over.  You’re taking up two seats.”

Bad guy Cowboy: “Hey little lady.  You can sit right here on my lap.  What’s a pretty little thing like you doing with that mighty big revolver, anyway?”

Gina (demonstrating):  <BLAM>

Cowboy drops to the floor.

Gothic Romance:

(in a seriously spooky old manor)

Fiendish male character, rubbing hands together:  “You’ll never escape me, my pretty.  Never!”

Gina (looking around): “Are you sure this isn’t a set for The Rocky Horror Picture Show?”

Fiend:  “Enough!  You’ll be my wife with or without the church.”

Gina (sighing): <BLAM>

Fiend drops to the floor.

Literary:

(at a slam poetry evening)

Male Poet:  “Stop.Cry.Laugh.Love not war.Peace not profit.Climate change.Capitalists.Love crimes.War crimes.Killing oceans.Killing whales.Every other cliché you can think of.Pain.I’m in pain.A pain so great.

Gina <BLAM>

Poet is out of pain, and so is everyone else.

To be continued…

Midsummer Midwestern - will it be another zany novel? Readers can decide...

MIDSUMMER MIDWESTERN

by Bad Girl

Chapter 1

(Definitely not a western/vampire/zombie romance, but might possibly be a spoof.)

The stage coach came to a full stop, but not before it pitched to and fro, throwing me into the seat opposite.  Which was fully occupied. 

“Damnation,” said the Duchess.  No, that was me, actually.  I’ve always wanted to start a book with that line.  Too bad I’m really just a temporal law enforcement officer in deep cover.

The man I had the misfortune to be sprawled across appeared to be shocked.  Well, blow my cover and a whole lot of other things.  If he wasn’t the sexiest thing I’d seen in a mule’s age, whatever that was.

I looked right into his baby-poop brown eyes.  “I am so sorry,” I said with a drawl newly acquired. “I am truly embarrassed.  Help me up, will you?”  I shoved my hand against the back seat beside him and tried to push back.  Not good.  My cleavage got stuck under his chin.

With a smooth move, he grasped my upper arms with his hands and fair lifted me off.  I was plunked back down on the seat opposite.

“Thank you,” I said.

“No, thank you.”  He tipped his ten litre hat.  “That’s as close as I’ve got to a woman in a mule’s age.”

That settled it.  I simply had to find out how long mules lived.

to be continued, unless someone pays me enough to stop.

MIDSUMMER MIDWESTERN - (Definitely not a western/fairy/vampire/zombie romance, but quite possibly a spoof)

I have been accused of many things, one of which is writing spoofs. Say not, I plead.  And to prove it, here is page one from my latest in-progress:

MIDSUMMER MIDWESTERN

The stage coach came to a full stop, but not before it pitched to and fro, throwing me into the seat opposite.  Which was fully occupied.  

“Damnation,” said the Duchess.  No, that was me, actually.  I’ve always wanted to start a book with that line.  Too bad I’m really just a temporal law enforcement officer in deep cover.

The man I had the misfortune to be sprawled across appeared to be shocked.  Well, blow my cover and a whole lot of other things.  If he wasn’t the sexiest thing I’d seen in a mule’s age, whatever that is.

I looked right into his baby-poop brown eyes.  “I am so sorry,” I said with a drawl newly acquired..  “I am truly embarrassed.  Help me up, will you?”  I shoved my right hand against the seat back beside him and tried to push back.  Not good.  My cleavage got stuck under his chin.

With a smooth move, he grasped my upper arms with his hands and fair lifted me off.  I was plunked back down on the seat opposite.

“Thank you,” I said.

“No, thank you.”  He tipped his ten litre hat.  “That’s as close as I’ve got to a woman in a mule’s age.”

That settled it.  I simply had to find out how long mules lived.

Melodie's latest comedy, THE GODDAUGHTER, is now available in Chapters, Indigo, Barnes &Noble, and online at Amazon, Chapters and other retailers.

Guest-Blogger Alison Bruce

I am pleased to welcome Alison Bruce, writer of mystery, adventure and romance, and occasional tech guru.

 

Romance is Funny that Way

I wrote my first romance when I was in my late teens: “Angel in Paradise”. It was cross between Love Boat and the Perils of Pauline. I tried to write it straight and failed abysmally. Then I tried writing it as a comic romance and fell flat. It took me years of writing and life experience to understand that while I was no comedian, I would always see the humour in life experience and it would come out in my writing whether I intended it to or not.

Humour is humanity’s greatest coping mechanism. It gets us through the most frightening and despairing situations - and romance is no exception. Let’s face it love, true love, is scary, messy and raises us to great heights only to drop us into the depths of self-doubt. If we didn’t laugh, we’d be going to Romeo-esque extremes - killing ourselves when a little common sense could have led to a happily ever after. I’d rather die laughing.

So, when Jase Strachan realizes the mess he’s got himself into, taking care of a boy who is really a girl who he is falling in love with, he laughs at himself. When Marly Landers puts herself in danger, his sense of humour stops him from strangling her - or blowing her cover which would be worse.

Marly uses humour - even allowing herself to be the butt of the joke - to defuse situations that might lead to her masquerade being discovered. In the end, she uses a tactic worthy of a Shakespearean comedy to get her man. Just read the book and see.

"I loved the murder mystery ... as well as the sense of humor which had me either chuckling or laughing out loud. The development of the main characters is very well done."
Jacqueline Wilson, Deputy Sheriff for Publications of the Chicago Corral of the Westerners

“This novel is filled with accurate settings, genuine voice, and unexpected humor. And if you're more interested in the thriller or detective or romance or mystery genre, there is enough of a romance angle and an in-depth murder investigation to satisfy everyone.”
Gail M Baugniet (reader review)

Alison Bruce has an honours degree in history and philosophy, which has nothing to do with any regular job she's held since. A liberal arts education did prepare her to be a writer, however. She penned her first novel during lectures while pretending to take notes.

www.alisonbruce.ca

www.alisonebruce.blogspot.com

www.facebook.com/alisonbruce.books

About Under A Texas Star

Disguised as a boy, Marly joins a handsome Texas Ranger in the hunt for a con man and they must bring the fugitive to justice before giving up the masquerade and giving in to their passion.

When Marly Landers is fooled by con man Charlie Meese, she's determined to bring him to justice--even if it means dressing up as a boy and setting off across the plains to find him.

Texas Ranger Jase Strachan is also after Meese, for crimes committed in Texas. He joins forces with the young boy in a journey that takes them to Fortuna, where a murder interrupts their mission. Jase is duty bound to find the killer, no matter the cost.

Marly carries out her own investigation and comes to the aid of Amabelle Egan, the sister of one of the suspects. But appearances are deceiving, and Marly is mistaken for Amabelle’s suitor, making her a target for the killer. Not to mention, Charlie Meese is still out there.

Under the Texas stars, Marly and Jase are drawn together by circumstances beyond their control, yet fate plots to tear them apart. Will Marly finally get her man?