Worst Typos EVER (in which our Comedy Writer gets laughs without even trying)

By Melodie Campbell (Bad Girl)

Ever make a really bad typo?  I mean really bad.

My worst ever professional mistake was in an Annual Report for a one-hundred-million dollar corporation, when I was the director of marketing and communications.  Unfortunately, an innocent little ‘t’ went missing from the word ‘assets.’  The board was not amused by “This year, we experienced an increase in corporate asses.”

Recently, I found out what one little vowel can do to Rowena and the Dark Lord, book 2 in the Land’s End sexy fantasy series.

Okay, REALLY uncool when the publicist misspells the name of your book on the launch announcements.

Rowena and the Dark LARD is probably not the best way to get sales for a ‘Outlander meets Sex and the City’ fantasy series.

However, as I do write comedy, I'm thinking about a parody.

Is it okay to write a parody of your own book?

Draft one: ROWENA AND THE DARK LARD

Synopsis 1: Rowena moves back to Land’s End and opens up a bakery.

Synopsis 2: Cedric’s use of dark magic goes totally out of control, and so does his appetite.

Synopsis 3: Thane and Rowena return to Land’s End and become pig farmers.

Synopsis 4: Rowena messes up another spell that causes all who look at her to turn into donuts.

Synopsis 5: Rowena kills off Nigella Lawson in a battle with pastry rollers, and assumes the role

of Prime Time Network Food Goddess <sic>.

Synopsis 6: Someone takes a totally justified whack at the author. End of series.

Postscript: Recently was quoted by someone as the author of ROWENA AND THE DORK LORD.  Trial for murder is pending.

Post postscript (where is a Latin scholar when you need one?):  Another contract is out for the professional book tour company last month, who, in all their advertising, inadvertently switched book 3 Rowena and the Viking Warlord to… wait for it… Viking Landlord.  Yup.  Obviously there will be hell to pay if you forget the rent. 

Excerpt from Rowena and the Dark Lord:

Men’s voices again, echoing like souls lost in a fog. The mist lifted in one swift movement to disappear into nothingness. In its place, were at least a hundred men.

Bugger. I messed up.

“Houston, we have a problem,” I said out loud. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I must have pronounced one of the spell words wrong.

“Who is Houston?” Lars said.

“Romans!” Gareth hissed. He drew his sword.

“Romans?” I stared at the battle-scarred men before us. They looked exhausted. They also looked bloody, dirty and rather short. Not to mention confused.

How the heck could they be Romans?

Someone yelled “Form Square!” in—yup—that was Latin.

“What the hell?” I stared. The men came to life moving with purpose into a square. Within seconds we were facing a shield wall bristling with spears.

The man on horseback stared at me. No stirrups on his saddle. A helmet that was in history books. Definitely Roman. I stared back at him.

Romans? In this time? What the poop had I done?

“It’s a freaking temporal rift!” My laugh was strident. “Where is Spock when you need him?”

Amazon link for Rowena and the Dark Lord:

 Amazon

"Foot-stomping funny" ROWENA AND THE VIKING WARLORD - NOW AVAILABLE

Now available at:

Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/Rowena-Viking-Warlord-Lands-Book-ebook/dp/B00LEX9BEI/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1404530678&sr=1-1&keywords=rowena+and+the+viking+warlord

Barnes & Noble:
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/rowena-and-the-viking-warlord-melodie-campbell/1119899254?ean=2940046048735

iTunes:
https://itunes.apple.com/ca/book/rowena-and-the-viking-warlord/id895268707?mt=11

Kobo Books:
http://store.kobobooks.com/en-CA/ebook/rowena-and-the-viking-warlord

Romancing the Villain! The delicious appeal of Bad Boys...

What is it about the appeal of Bad Boys?  A strange thing happened while writing Rowena and the Dark Lord… I appear to have fallen for my villain.

Yes, Thane is the hero, and Rowena is smitten with him.  But her literary creator has become more and more enamoured with bad boy Cedric – the villain of the piece.  Cedric is determined to have Rowena to himself, and he will stop at nothing to get her, including selling his soul to Lucifer.  Cedric messes with the black arts.

Cedric can mess with me anytime.

How the heck did this happen?  I set out to write a funny and sexy adventure, with good guys, bad guys and spunky heroines.  Love that Rowena.  She’s everything I would like to be. Clever, beautiful, sexy… a bit daring, but with a strong moral compass.  Thane is a terrific match for her; strong, smart, loyal, handsome, and the King to boot.  Arch enemy of Cedric of course.

I wanted to make the story rich with characters, so I worked hard to make my villain three-dimensional.  He has thoughts, moods, desires just like anyone else.  And maybe even some good traits.  It’s hard not to be moved by a guy who will risk his life for you.  In fact, it is Cedric  - not the hero - who rescues Rowena from a particularly nasty band of medieval brigands…

Something about that Cedric pulls me.  He’s not as good-looking as Thane.  He probably isn’t as smart. His morals are questionable – maybe nonexistent.  But he is cunning.  He is dynamic.  He is never, ever boring.

Cedric is the typical bad boy.

What it is about men who don’t fit the typical hero mode, but ‘bother’ us, somehow? That’s how Rowena puts it.  “I didn’t like his looks – they bothered me.”  I’ll say they did.  Rowena was rocked to the core!  You see, I know that feeling.  I’ve felt it myself…

Cedric has long red-gold hair.  His eyes are green, and they have an eerie glow when he uses magic. He’s tall, broad and thoroughly masculine, with bands of muscles on his arms.  And he draws her like a moth to fire…

Exciting, that’s the word.  The bad boys in our past made us feel like we were alive.  Living on the edge has its attractions.

So Thane may be the ideal man for Rowena, and for many women.  But Cedric will always be there, in the back of her mind, tempting…promising something that will take her beyond the ordinary, something delicious, enticing…

Damn, that’s attractive.  I can’t kill him off. In fact, he’s the star of book 2, ROWENA AND THE DARK LORD.

Melodie Campbell has over 200 publications and has been published in almost every genre.  She has won nine awards for fiction.

Buy Links:

Book 1, Rowena Through the Wall

 http://www.amazon.com/Rowena-Through-the-Wall-ebook/dp/B00557Z2QU

Book 2, Rowena and the Dark Lord

http://www.amazon.com/Rowena-Dark-Lord-Lands-ebook/dp/B00CIZZS70

WRITE ON! 'Queen of comedy' inspires students The Sunday Toronto Sun January 5, 2014

The Story behind ROWENA THROUGH THE WALL - Amazon TOP 100 Bestseller!

Many people have asked me how a former comedy writer and award-winning mystery author ended up writing the Rowena fantasy series. 

Yes, it shocked even me.  Hold on, because this story isn't funny.

It was four years ago.  My mother had been admitted to the hospital for the 38th time, dying. This time, she was in for seven weeks, and I was there for most of it.  As the news got worse and worse, I remember looking at that hospital wall and thinking, "If I could walk through that wall into another world right now, I would."

That night, I went home and started writing Rowena Through the Wall.

I took notebooks to the hospital the next day.  And the next.  I wrote in a fever for weeks, to escape.  At night, I would type the transcripts into a manuscript.

Yes, fantasy.  And I was a writer with a rep in a different genre.

On Sept. 28, my mother's birthday, ROWENA THROUGH THE WALL made the Amazon Top 100 Bestseller list (all books.)  She is no longer here, but I could swear Mom is on my shoulder right now, cheering and laughing.

Latest review of ROWENA THROUGH THE WALL

5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent romp through time!, September 28, 2013

By 

Sherry Ewing - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)

This review is from: Rowena Through the Wall: Expanded Edition (Land's End - book #1) (Kindle Edition)

Time travel...what is not to love? I started this book this morning and couldn't put it down. When it ended, I almost cried out NOOOO! The minute I started reading, I was immediately drawn to Rowena and where her travels would take her. I laughed, cried, cheered her on all the way to the last page. I certainly don't want to give away any spoilers but I will admit it was the best $.99 I've ever spent. Sequel? Yes there is and now I'll order that one too since I'll certainly pay the price to pick up more of this incredible story set in Land's End. Loved this book and I'm sure you will too!

Introducing Fantasy author Tracy Falbe!

It is my great pleasure to introduce Tracy Falbe, author of Judgement Rising, and other epic tales.  The beautiful cover of Judgement Rising is a particular favourite of mine.

How Humor Can Help Readers Care About Characters

By Tracy Falbe

My novels tend to be pretty serious, like most epic fantasies, but I believe in letting characters have good times too. I rarely send someone into battle without throwing him a good party or letting him have a final night with his lover.

Sometimes the mood is lightened with a few jokes among comrades. I don’t do this specifically for the sake of comic relief. Although I love comedy and consider it a high art form, I often dislike how comic relief is used. Tossing some dopey antics into the middle of something very serious is just plain annoying. When I use humor, I do it to make characters feel real. Letting sarcastic comments slip and drinking too much at dinner are things that real people might do when under stress. These lighter scenes tend to happen between the big dramatic events. I try to let characters shine through during the quieter moments because isn’t this when you really get to know people?

Most novels rush characters from one big event to the next without much room to breathe. I know we writers are supposed to keep readers hooked, but I believe in pacing my fiction. I like to balance intensity with moments of genuine living. My hope is that it will deepen the reader’s emotional ties with the characters. When the reader remembers the good times, it will make the hard times even more meaningful.

A splendid example of a good time leading to dire events comes from the mighty J.R.R. Tolkien. He started the modern tradition of a good party in fantasy novels when the Fellowship of the Ring opened with Bilbo’s birthday bash. Throughout my own novels I’ve presented everything from a royal banquet to a bachelor party to wild revels in the forest to that most dangerous of affairs: the family gathering.

One memorable gathering from Judgment Rising has several amusing scenes when Miranda meets her brother-in-law Atarek for the first time. Atarek has crossed the Wilderness in search of his missing brother Dreibrand. Miranda is quite excited to meet him, but her husband knows that her encounter with Atarek will be alarming at best.

From Judgment Rising:

Politely, Dreibrand worked his way through the crowd, tugging Atarek who wanted to say hello to everyone. As people smiled to Dreibrand, he noted how their eyes bounced between Atarek and himself, making a conspicuous comparison. Jolted by juvenile insecurity, Dreibrand hustled his brother along.

The dawdling resistance from his debutant brother suddenly let go and Dreibrand was trundled forward by his brother’s bulk.

Draping an arm around his shoulder, Atarek pulled him close and whispered, “Hey Dreiby, introduce me to those women. That curly-haired one looks fun.”

Dreibrand spun in his brother’s embrace and knocked the arm away.

Interpreting the intense flash of jealousy as only an older brother could, Atarek laughed and wagged a finger at his brother. “You had her,” he surmised, delighted to have blundered upon a sensitive nerve.

“Think harder, Brother,” Dreibrand growled.

“Still working on it then?” Atarek teased. Puffing out his chest, he headed straight for the attentive group of women and children.

Before Atarek said something inappropriate, which was likely, Dreibrand intervened. “Atarek, this is Miranda, my wife,” he said.

Miranda stepped forward with an inviting smile. “How do you do—” she began, employing her best Atrophaney accent, but Atarek interrupted.

“Wife!” He laughed and flung his arms wide like barn doors flapping in a heavy wind. “Sister!” he sang and scooped Miranda off the ground. Atarek helped himself to a lusty handful of her left buttock and kissed her on the lips. When he put her down, she was wide-eyed and speechless. The pressure of his hand was still fading from her well-toned rear, and she was confused by her inability to react.

Dreibrand separated them and took possession of Miranda’s nearest hand. He reproached his brother with a stormy look, which amused Atarek mightily.

As you might imagine, Atarek gets well into his cups at the ensuing banquet. Once he’s intoxicated enough, he’ll even question the paternity of his brother’s sons.

Atarek is one of my favorite creations. He’s funny, flawed, and full of heart. He taught me that it was all right to goof off even in an epic fantasy. He’ll swing a sword when he has too, but someone better get him a drink when he’s done. My novels aren’t comedies, but some of my characters have a sense of humor. There’s no sense if fighting for your life if there’s nothing to smile about.

If you’d like to get to know Atarek, you can find Judgment Rising at your favorite ebook retailer. Don’t worry that it’s the third novel of The Rys Chronicles. I wrote it as a new point of entry into the saga. 

Save 25 percent on an ebook copy of Judgment Rising at my website Brave Luck Books. Checkout with promo code JRinJune. Discount valid through July 1st. http://www.falbepublishing.com/braveluck/Judgment_Rising.html

See all of my novels at http://www.braveluck.com or:

Smashwords http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/braveluck

Amazon Kindle http://www.amazon.com/Tracy-Falbe/e/B002BLWI3S/

Barnes & Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/c/tracy-falbe

iTunes http://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/tracy-falbe/id365797627?mt=11

Sony Reader Store http://ebookstore.sony.com/author/tracy-falbe_160285

Kobo http://www.kobobooks.com/search/search.html?q=%22Tracy+Falbe%22&t=none&f=author&p=1&s=none&g=both

COMEDY WRITER FALLS RIGHT OVER THE CLIFF - Worst Typos EVER

Ever make a really bad typo?  I mean really bad.

My worst ever professional mistake was in an Annual Report for a one-hundred-million dollar corporation, in which an innocent little ‘t’ went missing from the word ‘assets.’  The board was not amused by “This year, we experienced an increase in corporate asses.”

Today, I found out what one little vowel can do to ROWENA AND THE DARK LORD, book 2 in the Lands End series.

Okay, REALLY uncool when you misspell the name of your own book on your own blog.
ROWENA AND THE DARK LARD is probably not the best way to get sales for a fantasy series. 

However, as I do write comedy, I'm thinking about a parody.
Is it okay to write a parody of your own book?

Draft one: ROWENA AND THE DARK LARD

Synopsis 1: Rowena moves back to Land’s End and opens up a bakery.

Synopsis 2: Cedric’s use of dark magic goes totally out of control, and so does his appetite.

Synopsis 3: Thane and Rowena return to Land’s End and become pig farmers.

Synopsis 4: Rowena messes up another spell that causes all who look at her to turn into donuts.

Synopsis 5: Rowena kills off Nigella Lawson in a battle with pastry rollers, and assumes the role of Prime Time Network Food Goddess <sic>.

Synopsis 6: Someone takes a totally justified whack at the author. End of series.

Excerpt from ROWENA AND THE DARK LORD

Men’s voices again, echoing like souls lost in a fog. The mist lifted in one swift movement to disappear into nothingness. In its place, were at least a hundred men.

Bugger. I messed up.

“Houston, we have a problem,” I said out loud. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I must have pronounced one of the spell words wrong.

“Who is Houston?” Lars said.

“Romans!” Gareth hissed. He drew his sword.

“Romans?” I stared at the battle-scarred men before us. They looked exhausted. They also looked bloody, dirty and rather short. Not to mention confused.

How the heck could they be Romans?

Someone yelled “Form Square!” in—yup—that was Latin.

“What the hell?” I stared. The men came to life moving with purpose into a square. Within seconds we were facing a shield wall bristling with spears.

The man on horseback stared at me. No stirrups on his saddle. A helmet that was in history books. Definitely Roman. I stared back at him.

Romans? In this time? What the poop had I done?

“It’s a freaking temporal rift!” My laugh was strident. “Where the hell is Spock when you need him?

Melodie Campbell achieved a personal best this year when Library Journal compared her to Janet Evanovich.  She has over 200 publications, including 100 comedy credits, 40 short stories, and 4 novels. She has won 6 awards for fiction. 

ROWENA AND THE DARK LORD, book 2 in the Land’s End series, is NOW AVAILABLE

http://www.amazon.com/Rowena-Dark-Lord-Lands-ebook/dp/B00CIZZS70/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1367004079&sr=8-3&keywords=rowena+and+the+dark+lord

And the one that started it all: ROWENA THROUGH THE WALL, book 1 in the Land’s End series

http://www.amazon.com/Rowena-Through-Wall-Expanded-ebook/dp/B007B4Q868/ref=sr_1_3?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1367012382&sr=1-3