Tuesday 29 January 2013

Respect me Bub, or I'll Stomp On You With My Stilettos

So a newish and very funny blogger friend  (Sara at Sara's Organized Chaos) is contemplating doing one of those glamour boudoir photo shoots. 

I said:  “DO IT DO IT DO IT!  I nearly did ‘back when’ but chickened out.  When I was 35, I could rock a boatload of sailors.  Now, I might possibly tip that boat if I stepped on in.  So do it now.”

Which has got me all thinking (dangerous at the best of times…)

This girl has spent her lifetime railing against the glass ceiling.  She took a Commerce degree and rocked business back when shoulder pads were big.  Okay, HUGE.  And liked them like that.

So what you’ve got here is one super-saturated power chick at the top of the fast food chain.  Treat me with respect bub, or I’ll stomp on you with my stilettos.  Oh, and pass the lipstick, ‘cause I wanna look sexy.

Why the flaming hell do I want to look sexy?  WHY?  I’ve got a perfectly good husband.  I’ve got a few good male friends who might be willing to step in if hubby doesn’t make it to the 10th round.  (Of course I’m joking.  Why wouldn’t I be?)  There is no possible way I am looking for ANY new male attention of the prurient kind.

Yet here I am, fixing the long hair, wearing the underwire, cursing every new pound (the old ones should stop inviting new fat to the party).  Good thing the cleavage is still fine.  We’ll just show that off a bit. What the freaking hell is wrong with me?

“You can’t fight biology,” friend Jeannette says.

Well, my biology is sure freakin’ driving me crazy.  Can you spell contradiction?  Oxymoron?  Hypocritical?

Gotta run.  Teaching fiction writing tonight and I need an hour for my hair.


  1. There was a great line in JAG that Ernest Borgnine delivered. His character has been told to act his age: "Do you know what it feels like to be eighty? The same as it feels to be thirty-five."

    Borgnine also said, as himself: “I like my women a little big. Natural. Now, they shave this and wax that. It's not right. I love natural women. Big women. This trend in women has to go. Bulimia, anorexia. That's just wrong. You know what will cure that? My special sticky buns. One lick of my sticky buns and your appetite will come right back.”

    Dang! Now I'm in love with a dead man.

  2. LAFF! Love it! Gotta look at the positive; maybe he'll be waiting for us on the other side.

  3. Not all of us like our guys big and earthy like Ernest, although he does have his charms. On the other side, I'm looking to hook up with Steve McQueen. Blond, quick, and a rebel with or without a cause.
    I think your friend, Jeannette, is right though. You can't fight biology. Or hormones!