Friday, 1 February 2013

Being an Author is just so darn GLAM - more comedy from the front

So here I am, in deadline hell for ROWENA AND THE DARK LORD, and what I am doing?  Writing a humour column, of course.

Because this job of being an author is just so darn glam.  Here’s more proof.

Yesterday: met for lunch with writing colleague before doing my author signing gig at the Ontario Library Conference in Toronto. 

I was prepared even.  Not wanting a repeat of that infamous day I threw coffee on myself just before having to speak in front of an audience of 600, I had a spare blouse and jacket in the car.  But no spare pants.

You just know what’s coming next. 

No you don’t.

It wasn’t the Korean Bimbambat or whatever the hell that yummy dish is called that did me in.   

Nope.  Cover your eyes NOW if you are a tad squeamish.

Shlepped down the steep steps to the lady’s loo.  Flaming hell.  It’s one of those skinny minny models. 
You know the ones…where the doorway is so small you have to squeeze sideways into the cubicle.

Did it.  Managed to sit.  Then the ‘issue’.  (If you’re a man, stop reading NOW.)  There’s no way in hell I can get my legs wide enough apart to wipe.

So.  Work out with calculus the possibilities.  Time is apassin’.  And I am due at the signing booth in less than half an hour.  I stand up and turn sideways to manage the deed.

Pants drop to the floor.  It’s been snowing for two days. NOT a dry floor.  A very wet one.  And it’s twenty minutes to show-time in the booth.

To the astonished woman who walked into the can when I was bent over with my butt shoved under the hand dryer – MY APOLOGIES.

(Great signing by the way.  Many thanks to Leslie and Amy from Orca Books for the terrific turnout they managed to get for me!  Orca Books ROCK!)


  1. Okay, so, it may not have been funny at the time. But now... I'm not laughing at you I'm laughing with you. : ) Writing is your gift. Humour your tool.

  2. grin - thanks Leanne! It is just ridiculous how I can make an event that should be an honour turn into an unholy farce. WHY can't I be the sort of female who glides into a room with grace? Thanks for that comment. It made my day.

    1. Glide into the room with grace--yawn--boring. : )

  3. Mel, thank you for not telling me this episode on the phone or via email. I would have spurted coffee all over my monitor. Instead, being prepared to laugh, I read this with beverages at a safe distance.

    1. I HATE those skinny minny washrooms. Almost as much as I hate salad.