So here I am, in deadline hell for ROWENA AND THE DARK LORD,
and what I am doing? Writing a humour
column, of course.
Because this job of being an author is just so darn glam. Here’s more proof.
Yesterday: met for lunch with writing colleague before doing
my author signing gig at the Ontario Library Conference in Toronto.
I was prepared even. Not
wanting a repeat of that infamous day I threw coffee on myself just before
having to speak in front of an audience of 600, I had a spare blouse and jacket
in the car. But no spare pants.
You just know what’s coming next.
No you don’t.
It wasn’t the Korean Bimbambat or whatever the hell that yummy
dish is called that did me in.
Nope. Cover your eyes NOW if you
are a tad squeamish.
Shlepped down the steep steps to the lady’s loo. Flaming hell.
It’s one of those skinny minny models.
You know the ones…where the
doorway is so small you have to squeeze sideways into the cubicle.
Did it. Managed to
sit. Then the ‘issue’. (If you’re a man, stop reading NOW.) There’s no way in hell I can get my legs wide
enough apart to wipe.
So. Work out with
calculus the possibilities. Time is
apassin’. And I am due at the signing booth in less
than half an hour. I stand up and turn
sideways to manage the deed.
Pants drop to the floor.
It’s been snowing for two days. NOT a dry floor. A very wet one. And it’s twenty minutes to show-time in the
booth.
To the astonished woman who walked into the can when I was
bent over with my butt shoved under the hand dryer – MY APOLOGIES.
(Great signing by the way.
Many thanks to Leslie and Amy from Orca Books for the terrific turnout
they managed to get for me! Orca Books
ROCK!)
