More Completely Useless Advice from Morticia,
repeated with permission from the news rag that used to pay me (yes, they actually paid me to write this.)
(With apologies to sane folk everywhere)
Read the National Expirer
…for the best in Graveyard Journalism
I just got an invitation to a ritzy wedding, and wouldn’t you know, I’m supposed to bring an escort. What should I do? I’m between men right now.
Bring both. (I never mind being between men, honey.)
Help! All these chores need to be done and I’m exhausted. What can I do? The baby was sick again and kept me up all night.
Sorry honey, but you married him.
I’ve just found out that the guy I’ve been dating is a real snake. What should I do?
Belt him. (Act fast: this relationship is bound to be constricting.)
I am a born again Christian and now have a totally different perception of the afterlife. I urge you to give up your misguided ways and find the true meaning of life.
Signed, Second Chance
No thanks. I wanted to be born again, but Mom said No.
Confidential to Offended in Oakville: You are absolutely right, and a girl has a right to pick and choose. I would never agree to try that position with a man I wasn’t married to. I mean, what would your husband say?