Do you get into the Spirit of Christmas?
I’m not interest in the Spirit of Christmas and I’ve told him that a hundred times! (Honestly…it’s these office Christmas parties. Everyone gets embalmed.)
Can I interest you in custom-designed fruit baskets for your dearest friends.
Signed, The Custom Grocer
No thanks. I gave a Christmas food basket to Thing last year and it bombed horribly. He just didn’t have the stomach for it.
I’m quitting smoking starting Jan. 1. Are you making any New Years resolutions this year?
Yup. As soon as the vulture dinner is over, I’m becoming a vegetarian. (At least when you carve a pumpkin, it doesn’t try to eat you back.)
I was a good girl all year, and all Santa brought me was a large frog. Frankly, I feel cheated.
Honey, I don’t blame you, so be sure to follow my advice: Be very bad next year and Santa may bring you a Prince. (And if you don’t get the Prince, at least you will have had a smashing good time all year!)
Melodie in disguise as a fairly normal person in a blue coat. Merry Christmas.