Sunday, 19 August 2012

GUYS TOGETHER! More stand-up comedy, reprinted with permission

Men may watch football and play sports together, but there are a few things they don’t do together.  For instance:

1.       SHOPPING

Women shop together. It’s a rite of passage.  Part of the hormonal cocktail.  It’s also self-preservation. This way, you never end up looking like a sausage stuffed into a yellow lycra mini-skirt, because it was ‘on sale.’  Fortunately you aren’t allowed to buy anything your women-friends don’t like.

Barb: “Sorry Mabel, but you look like a worm in the bathing suit.”

Trixie: “More like a pregnant slug. Why don’t you try that 118 lbs slimmer model with the steel breastplate?”

You never see guys doing this.  Guys don’t stand around each other in Harry Rosen’s saying things like:

Bill: “Yuck, Ron. That mulberry colour is so…soo.”

Ron: “Bloody?”

Bill: “At least you won’t notice if you cut yourself shaving.”

Ron: “I’ll take three.”

2.       BATHROOM

It is a well-known biological fact that women go to the bathroom in herds.  One female gets up from the table with her purse-cum-suitcase and all us other females within hailing distance yell: “Hold on Trish, I’m going with you.”  And off we traipse en masse, blabbing all the way to the can.

Men don’t do this.  Nope, when you’re out to dinner at a fancy resto, you never hear one guy say to the other,

Roy: “Hey Bill, I have to go visit the little boys’ room.  Want to come with me?”

Bill: “Sure, Roy. Back in a minute, Girls.”

In fact, if Roy did say that, Bill would probably get up from the table and take off to find a washroom in a different building.  Maybe even a different city.

1 comment:

  1. I read something about why women go to the washroom in herds. I wish I could remember what it was so I could turn it into something witty.