It started with the Berlin Brothel. Lord knows why a brothel in Berlin decided
to follow me on Twitter. I don’t live
in Berlin. I’ve never worked in a
brothel. Don’t think I’ve even typed
the word ‘brothel’ before now. I
certainly haven’t said it out loud.
Then some wag from Crime Writers of Canada said: “Maybe
they’ve read Rowena Through the Wall.
That’s it! The girls who work
there have to do something in their downtime.”
Let me do a cyberspace blush here. Okay, my book is a little hot.
“Hot and hilarious” as one reviewer put it. But it’s not x-rated.
It’s not even R, according to my daughter. (Husband has yet to read it.
We’ve hidden it well.)
But back to Berlin.
I didn’t follow them back.
Somehow, that didn’t matter. The word was out.
‘Amateurvids’ announced they were following me. Good, I thought. I like nature films. Take
it from me, this outfit doesn’t film bunnies in the wild. Well, maybe a certain type of wild bunny.
I didn’t follow them back.
Next, I got “Swingersconnect” following me. Swingers?
I get sick on a tire hanging from a tree!
I didn’t follow them back.
Then two days ago, an outfit specializing in ‘male penis
enhancement’ turned up. Now, I ask
you. Do I look like a male in my
profile photo? Is Melodie a male
name? And not to be pedantic, but isn’t
‘male’ in front of the p-word a bit redundant?
Is there any other kind?
Which brings me to the tweet in my twitter-box today: “Hey sexy porn gerl!” (yes, that’s girl with
an e). Let me state categorically that
I am not now and have never been a “sexy porn gerl” (with an ‘e’ or any other
vowel).
You wouldn’t want me to be.
No one would. For one thing, I
can’t see two feet in front of me without glasses. Things that used to be perky now swing south. And my back hurts
if I bend over to pick up a grape.
So I’m not following them back.
