Warning: Like most comedians, I'm an equal opportunity humorist. Left or Right, it's all fodder. Today, it's the Liberal Feds.
Next, I'm just waiting to see what Doug Ford will inspire...
09:36, Parliament Building East Wing
“This is weird,” said Mark, flipping through screens.
“It says here that Penetang has declared independence.”
The other civil service head looked up. “Where is that? In Africa?”
“Somewhere north of Orillia, I think. Or maybe Parry Sound. I’m looking it up.”
The older man frowned. “You mean the county of Penetang?”
“Seems like it. They’ve blocked the roads, it says here. Just a sec.”
He scrowled further. “They’re using tractors and farm equipment. And cows.”
A gasp. “They’re sacrificing cows?”
“Nope. Herding live ones. The cars can’t get by.”
“Merde. We need to inform the Prime Minister.”
11:00, Live from Penetang
“This is Mandy Flambeau, reporting from rebellion headquarters, at the Puckyew community hockey rink in downtown Penetang. It’s sort of quiet here, Len. Maybe they’re all out on the protest lines? Oh wait – I see somebody! Sir, sir…over here. Can you tell us what this rebellion is really about?”
“Taxes. Sick an’ tired of those federal freeloaders takin’ our taxes and spending them in the city. We want our money spent here. Not on subways and free daycare for city folk.”
Gasp. “Daycare? You’re against daycare?”
“You see any kids around here? No young people in Penetang anymore. No jobs for them. Only seniors now.
“You want free daycare for seniors?”
13:43, The Prime Minister’s office.
“Mr. Prime Minister, we have a situation.”
<groan> “Not another Tweet from the Twit.”
“This is local, sir. I need to brief you on the rebellion in Penetang. PETA have moved in. Because of the cows.”
“The rebels in Penatang have blocked the roads with cows. And now PETA has established protest lines to protect the animals.”
“Hmmm… Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Sir, I think we have an opportunity here.”
“A photo op? Oh goodie! What do they wear in Penetang?”
“Uh…overalls and flannel shirts?”
“Awesome. Get Holt Renfrew on the line. We want these Canadian made.”
“Yes sir. Will you be leaving immediately?”
“I’m texting Sophie and the kids. Maybe we can make a vacation out of it. Does the Aga have a place up there?”
14:00, Back at East Wing:
“Mark, are you from farm country?”
“Nope. Born and bred here in Ottawa.”
“We may be overacting. Maybe this won't be such a crisis. The cows.”
“What about them?”
“They’ll simply go home to be milked at five.”
to be continued, unless someone pays the writer to stop...