It's a funny thing about writing comedy <love that line>.
Some columns roll off the keyboard with a life of their own.
But always, I am asked: which are my favourite columns? That doesn't mean the ones that were easiest to come. It means the ones that I come back to, time and again, to reread.
Over the next month, I'll be posting some of my favourites. Hope you enjoy them too.
SELLING OUT TO HOLLYWOOD
by Bad Girl
I read one
of those self-help books the other day, and I’m beginning to realize why I’m
not getting very rich. (For one thing,
I’m not writing self-help books.) It is
patently obvious that nobody is going to get wealthy writing humorous novels
unless they whack somebody over the head with them during the course of a bank
robbery.
So I’ve
decided to switch media here and become a screenwriter. I’m a natural. I can sit in those funny collapsible canvas
chairs just as well as the next guy, and besides, I know hundreds of
unbelievable plots: I follow US politics.
So here
goes: for my first screamplay <sic> I’m going to do something made for
TV; specifically one of those romance-suspense-action-thriller-northern-southern-civil
war epic-type things, maybe a miniseries.
It would have everything – sex, violence, sex, betrayal, sex, revenge,
sex - and maybe even some dialogue. It would
star a ravishing but thoroughly spoiled female lead, maybe called Sapphire. Here’s a preview:
Sapphire
flings herself up the sweeping staircase, catching bottom of skirt on knob of
banister.
Sapphire (yanking at fabric): Go
away, Rot! Just go away!
Rot: I’m going, I’m going. But one last thing, Sapphire honey, I’ve got
to know. How do you manage to go
to the bathroom with that bloody hoola- hoop attached to your skirt?
Sapphire (rolling downstairs on her side):
Don’t go, Rot! Please don’t go.
Rot (doffing hat): Frankly
Sapphire, I don’t give a hoot.
(From
outside, several barn owls hoot.)
I predict a
blockbuster. But just in case, I have a
second one planned. It’s a 1960s
historical spy flick, based on the true-to-life adventures of very bad people
who might possibly be Russian.
First
Spy (possibly named Boris): Gee comrade, do you theenk perhaps we are
raising peeples suspicions speeeking English with Russian accent?
Second
Spy (also named Boris): Especially seence it is very BAD Russian
accent, comrade?
Okay, so it
needs a bit of work, and maybe some more sex. I’m thinking of calling it Czech-mate. And if
we bring it forward to modern times, the possibilities are endless. What about a ‘Spy of the Month’ reality
series? Boris could live in an LA frat
house with nine other comrades named Boris, and the survivor…
Or I could
go back to writing silly novels.
You can
reach Melodie through her website right here. Or better still, buy her comedy novels in Chapters, Barnes&Noble, Walmart or
Amazon.
It's interesting that comedy in novel form doesn't seem to sell, Melodie. Which is ridiculous when it seems like it's okay for literary fiction to be funny, or romance, or other specific genres, but it's not ok for a novel to be just funny in general, unless it's wearing an even more ridiculous hat.
ReplyDeleteJust saw this comment now, Tara! I agree. It's fine for a novel to have mild humour in it (wit, or droll satire) but for fiction to be flat out funny is rather a rarity. Hard to write, of course. Comedy is best short for maximum impact, which is why half hour sitcoms work well.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. I was reading a Dickens parody recently which just didn't work, because the story was sacrificed in favour of funny asides, which ended up being not so funny because they were tripping over each other. It's still really hard to sell droll satire, though. Mainstream publishing doesn't seem to know what to do with it.
ReplyDelete