Boys and their Toys...by Bad Girl...Reprinted with permission

The Difference Between Men and Boys…is the size of their toys

Something weird happened the other day.  The trend actually started soon after our last kid left home for good.  My husband of 35 years came home with a remote control toy car.

Not a dinkie car.  Nope.  This was something more the size of a small tabletop.  It also cost as much as a dining room table.

This rather baffled me.  I mean, I know young boys love toy cars when they are too young to be drivers.  It’s part of the dream of ‘when I grow up, I’m going to drive a…’

But what motivates a grown man to play with toy replicas when he actually owns the real thing?

I set out to find out.

“’Splain it to me, Lucy” I say to DH (DH is social media slang for ‘dear husband,’ if you want a translation.  Also, I am told, ‘dumb husband,’ in some circles. Take your pick.)  “You have a Porsche for your regular drive, and a Corvette in the garage for summer.  I’m sanguine about this, because it is branded on my brain, the marriage vow you quickly edited before the wedding:  “Do you promise to love, honour, and allow your guy to spend much of your worldly income on exotic automobiles….”

“I have the best wife,” he says smugly.

I agree with him.  But that doesn’t answer my question.  “WHY would you want a toy car?”

He looks blank.  “Toys are fun.  Besides, this one can go 50 miles per hour.”

And the ones in the garage can only go 200.  Things were not getting clearer.  But I am persistent.

“Is this like the remote control boat from last summer?”

To explain:  DH is a gear-head and speed demon.  He has a 28 foot sport-cruiser called Wee Dram, in which to race around Lake Ontario.  It’s kept at the marina that is 8 minutes from our house.  He also has a wienie little remote control toy boat, which he keeps at the real boat. 

He nods.  “Just like it.  Love that baby.  I race it around Wee Dram.  I’m thinking of calling it ‘Little

Snort.’  What do you think?”

I’m thinking everyone at the marina will be figuring we have a drinking problem.  But now it’s dawning on me.  The word ‘baby’ twigged it.

All his real vehicles now have little remote vehicles to keep them company.  They have – wait for it – their own children!

No question…I’m going to have to get the kids to visit home more often.

Melodie Campbell writes funny books, like The Goddaughter’s Revenge, winner of the Derringer Award.  You can buy them at Chapters and at online retailers everywhere.