Friday 25 May 2012

IT'S A GUY THING - reprinted with permission

I should know better. After all, I was on the boy’s baseball team in grade six.  I know there are things about men that we females can never hope to understand.  But when the guys – three of them – said, "we’re going camping on crown land this weekend – wanna come?” – I lost my mind.  I went.


“Why are you guys wearing hats, even when the sun is down and It’s not cold out and none of you are bald?”  They all look at me, puzzled.

“It’s a guy thing,” Wil explains.  The others nod.  It’s perfectly obvious.  What ISN’T obvious, is the bathroom.

“Where is it?” I ask.  Everyone looks around.

“That way,” says Bob, pointing to a landmark thirty miles off. “Usually I can’t wait tho.”  He puffs thoughtfully on a cigarillo.

I go look for a bush.


“We need a fire,” says Karl.

“A BIG fire.” Wil looks to me, quite serious. “It’s a guy thing.”

The guys nod in unison. This is not surprising. We do need a fire. I’ve been saying so for hours.  It’s so dark we can’t find the tents.

“Who’s got a match?” I say helpfully.  Everyone gasps.

“A match?”

“Good Lord woman - a match?  In the wilderness?”

I might as well suggest sending out for Pizza Pizza from the cell phone.  Which is not a bad idea, because if we don’t get a fire going soon, we’re all going to starve.

Karl comes back from the truck.  “Flint and steel.” He holds it up for my benefit.

“You have to make do with primitive things in the wilderness,” he explains patiently.

I don’t bother to ask where you get steel in the wilderness.  This is something only guys know.

Karl gets to work. After several minutes of vigorous activity, he is puffing into a gorgeous little fire – really sweet – which immediately burns out.

They stand around wearing frowns.

“Looks a little weak there.” Everyone nods.

“Not a problem. Got just the thing.” Karl goes back to the truck for a small can.

“Stand back,” he orders.  A small wave of fluid hits the ex-fire, which immediately leaps into twelve foot vermillion flames accompanied by a loud WHOOOOSSSSHHHH.

“What IS that?” I yell from twenty feet away.

Karl grins diabolically.  “Naptha.”

************continued next week***********

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