Showing posts with label fantasy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fantasy. Show all posts

Tuesday, 21 November 2017

Worst Typos EVER (in which our Comedy Writer gets laughs without even trying)



By Melodie Campbell (Bad Girl)

Ever make a really bad typo?  I mean really bad.

My worst ever professional mistake was in an Annual Report for a one-hundred-million dollar corporation, when I was the director of marketing and communications.  Unfortunately, an innocent little ‘t’ went missing from the word ‘assets.’  The board was not amused by “This year, we experienced an increase in corporate asses.”

Recently, I found out what one little vowel can do to Rowena and the Dark Lord, book 2 in the Land’s End sexy fantasy series.

Okay, REALLY uncool when the publicist misspells the name of your book on the launch announcements.

Rowena and the Dark LARD is probably not the best way to get sales for a ‘Outlander meets Sex and the City’ fantasy series.

However, as I do write comedy, I'm thinking about a parody.
Is it okay to write a parody of your own book?

Draft one: ROWENA AND THE DARK LARD

Synopsis 1: Rowena moves back to Land’s End and opens up a bakery.

Synopsis 2: Cedric’s use of dark magic goes totally out of control, and so does his appetite.

Synopsis 3: Thane and Rowena return to Land’s End and become pig farmers.

Synopsis 4: Rowena messes up another spell that causes all who look at her to turn into donuts.

Synopsis 5: Rowena kills off Nigella Lawson in a battle with pastry rollers, and assumes the role
of Prime Time Network Food Goddess <sic>.

Synopsis 6: Someone takes a totally justified whack at the author. End of series.

Postscript: Recently was quoted by someone as the author of ROWENA AND THE DORK LORD.  Trial for murder is pending.

Post postscript (where is a Latin scholar when you need one?):  Another contract is out for the professional book tour company last month, who, in all their advertising, inadvertently switched book 3 Rowena and the Viking Warlord to… wait for it… Viking Landlord.  Yup.  Obviously there will be hell to pay if you forget the rent. 

Excerpt from Rowena and the Dark Lord:


Men’s voices again, echoing like souls lost in a fog. The mist lifted in one swift movement to disappear into nothingness. In its place, were at least a hundred men.

Bugger. I messed up.

“Houston, we have a problem,” I said out loud. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I must have pronounced one of the spell words wrong.

“Who is Houston?” Lars said.

“Romans!” Gareth hissed. He drew his sword.

“Romans?” I stared at the battle-scarred men before us. They looked exhausted. They also looked bloody, dirty and rather short. Not to mention confused.

How the heck could they be Romans?

Someone yelled “Form Square!” in—yup—that was Latin.

“What the hell?” I stared. The men came to life moving with purpose into a square. Within seconds we were facing a shield wall bristling with spears.

The man on horseback stared at me. No stirrups on his saddle. A helmet that was in history books. Definitely Roman. I stared back at him.

Romans? In this time? What the poop had I done?

“It’s a freaking temporal rift!” My laugh was strident. “Where is Spock when you need him?”

Amazon link for Rowena and the Dark Lord:

Saturday, 13 February 2016

FREE to a Good Home! ROWENA THROUGH THE WALL - limited time offer!



Get it FREE! limited time offer

ROWENA THROUGH THE WALL
(Book 1 in the bestselling Land’s End Time Travel trilogy)
“Outlander meets Sex and the City” Vine Review
“Hot and Hilarious!”  Midwest Book Review
“A cross between Diana Gabaldon and Janet Evanovich”

“Is that a broadsword on your belt, or are you just glad to see me?”
When Rowena falls through her classroom wall into a medieval world, she doesn't count on being kidnapped - not once, but twice, dammit. Unwanted husbands keep piling up; not only that, she has eighteen year old Kendra to look out for and a war to prevent.
Good thing she can go back through the wall when she needs to...or can she?



 About the Author:
The Toronto Sun called her Canada’s “Queen of Comedy.”  Library Journal compared her to Janet Evanovich. Melodie Campbell has over 40 short story publications, 9 novels and 10 awards.  Rowena Through the Wall was an Amazon Top 100 Bestseller, putting her ahead of both Nora Roberts and Diana Gabaldon for a magical time.

The entire Land’s End Trilogy was a top 50 Amazon bestseller in January 2015!  You can read more of Rowena’s adventures in Rowena and the Dark Lord, and Rowena and the Viking Warlord.






Sunday, 23 March 2014

Romancing the Villain! The delicious appeal of Bad Boys...

What is it about the appeal of Bad Boys?  A strange thing happened while writing Rowena and the Dark Lord… I appear to have fallen for my villain.

Yes, Thane is the hero, and Rowena is smitten with him.  But her literary creator has become more and more enamoured with bad boy Cedric – the villain of the piece.  Cedric is determined to have Rowena to himself, and he will stop at nothing to get her, including selling his soul to Lucifer.  Cedric messes with the black arts.

Cedric can mess with me anytime.

How the heck did this happen?  I set out to write a funny and sexy adventure, with good guys, bad guys and spunky heroines.  Love that Rowena.  She’s everything I would like to be. Clever, beautiful, sexy… a bit daring, but with a strong moral compass.  Thane is a terrific match for her; strong, smart, loyal, handsome, and the King to boot.  Arch enemy of Cedric of course.

I wanted to make the story rich with characters, so I worked hard to make my villain three-dimensional.  He has thoughts, moods, desires just like anyone else.  And maybe even some good traits.  It’s hard not to be moved by a guy who will risk his life for you.  In fact, it is Cedric  - not the hero - who rescues Rowena from a particularly nasty band of medieval brigands…

Something about that Cedric pulls me.  He’s not as good-looking as Thane.  He probably isn’t as smart. His morals are questionable – maybe nonexistent.  But he is cunning.  He is dynamic.  He is never, ever boring.

Cedric is the typical bad boy.

What it is about men who don’t fit the typical hero mode, but ‘bother’ us, somehow? That’s how Rowena puts it.  “I didn’t like his looks – they bothered me.”  I’ll say they did.  Rowena was rocked to the core!  You see, I know that feeling.  I’ve felt it myself…

Cedric has long red-gold hair.  His eyes are green, and they have an eerie glow when he uses magic. He’s tall, broad and thoroughly masculine, with bands of muscles on his arms.  And he draws her like a moth to fire…

Exciting, that’s the word.  The bad boys in our past made us feel like we were alive.  Living on the edge has its attractions.

So Thane may be the ideal man for Rowena, and for many women.  But Cedric will always be there, in the back of her mind, tempting…promising something that will take her beyond the ordinary, something delicious, enticing…

Damn, that’s attractive.  I can’t kill him off. In fact, he’s the star of book 2, ROWENA AND THE DARK LORD.

Melodie Campbell has over 200 publications and has been published in almost every genre.  She has won nine awards for fiction.



Buy Links:
Book 1, Rowena Through the Wall
Book 2, Rowena and the Dark Lord
http://www.amazon.com/Rowena-Dark-Lord-Lands-ebook/dp/B00CIZZS70

Sunday, 29 September 2013

The Story behind ROWENA THROUGH THE WALL - Amazon TOP 100 Bestseller!

Many people have asked me how a former comedy writer and award-winning mystery author ended up writing the Rowena fantasy series. 
Yes, it shocked even me.  Hold on, because this story isn't funny.
It was four years ago.  My mother had been admitted to the hospital for the 38th time, dying. This time, she was in for seven weeks, and I was there for most of it.  As the news got worse and worse, I remember looking at that hospital wall and thinking, "If I could walk through that wall into another world right now, I would."
That night, I went home and started writing Rowena Through the Wall.
I took notebooks to the hospital the next day.  And the next.  I wrote in a fever for weeks, to escape.  At night, I would type the transcripts into a manuscript.
Yes, fantasy.  And I was a writer with a rep in a different genre.
On Sept. 28, my mother's birthday, ROWENA THROUGH THE WALL made the Amazon Top 100 Bestseller list (all books.)  She is no longer here, but I could swear Mom is on my shoulder right now, cheering and laughing.

Latest review of ROWENA THROUGH THE WALL
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent romp through time!, September 28, 2013
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Rowena Through the Wall: Expanded Edition (Land's End - book #1) (Kindle Edition)
Time travel...what is not to love? I started this book this morning and couldn't put it down. When it ended, I almost cried out NOOOO! The minute I started reading, I was immediately drawn to Rowena and where her travels would take her. I laughed, cried, cheered her on all the way to the last page. I certainly don't want to give away any spoilers but I will admit it was the best $.99 I've ever spent. Sequel? Yes there is and now I'll order that one too since I'll certainly pay the price to pick up more of this incredible story set in Land's End. Loved this book and I'm sure you will too!

Saturday, 31 August 2013

Meet Author Dora Machado, author of the award-winning STONEWISER Series!




Dear Romantic Fantasy Fans,

For the first time ever and for a limited time, Dora Machado's entire Stonewiser award-winning fantasy trilogy, published by Mermaid Press, is available FREE on Kindle.

WHEN?  From Saturday August 31 to Monday September 2
To get your free download NOW from the Kindle store, click on each title below. It’s as simple as that!

Winner of the 2009 Benjamin Franklin Award for best Debut Novel

Finalist for 2009 Foreword Book of the Year Award for SFF

Between truth and deception, between justice and abuse, a stonewiser stands alone with the stones. Or so begins the stonewiser's oath. But what happens when a rebellious stonewiser discovers that lies have tainted the stone tales?

In a world devastated by the rot's widespread destruction, only the tales preserved in the stones can uphold the truth and defend the Goodlands. In this world, stone truth is valued above anyone's word, and stonewisers are the only ones capable of retrieving the tales from the stones, the only link between past and present, order and chaos.

Sariah is the most gifted stonewiser of her generation, but her talent does not atone for her shortcomings. A survivor of the Guild's brutal training, she is curious, willful and disobedient. Yet not even Sariah is prepared for what she finds when she steals into the Guild's Sacred Vaults: A mayhem of lies and intrigues that shatters her world.

Hunted, persecuted, and betrayed, Sariah must make an unlikely alliance with Kael, a cynical rebel leader pledged to a mysterious quest of his own. The fate of their dying world depends on their courage to overcome centuries of hatred and distrust. But not even the grueling journey has prepared them for what they are about to discover. Because nothing is really as it seems, and the truth is more intricate and devastating than they ever suspected.... 
-------------------------------------------------

Winner of the 2010 Independent Publisher (IPPY) Gold Medal for SF/F

Finalist for the 2010 ForeWord Book of the Year Award for SF/F

Sariah's reward for revealing the stone truth: a death sentence.
The executioners have arrived and Sariah, the most powerful and controversial stonewiser of her generation, has been judged and condemned to death. For the last few months, Sariah has been hiding in the Rotten Domain, trying to find the elusive tale capable of uniting a divided people teetering on the brink of a catastrophic war. As she is dragged to the nets, where an eel rave has been stirred to maximize her execution's gruesome spectacle, Sariah knows she cannot escape her sentence. She is guilty of the crimes for which she's been condemned and no one, not even Kael, the Domain's foremost rebel leader, can save her 
from the executioners' righteous justice.

But Kael is more than just a formidable warrior; he is also a cunning strategist and Sariah's steadfast lover. Risking all he has, he bargains with the greedy executioners, bribing them into delaying Sariah's execution, buying her precious time and a last chance to realize the mysterious legacy that the stones have imposed on her. The agreement is hardly a reprieve. It encourages a mob to hunt Sariah for ransom, banishing her from the Rotten Domain and imposing heavy fines on anyone who tries to help her. Worse, it requires her to wear an irremovable, mysterious bracelet. If she doesn't return to the executioners with the tale in hand when the allotted time expires, Kael and his kin will be ruined and the bracelet will kill her.

Hunted by the executioners, the Guild and the Shield, Sariah and Kael embark on a desperate search. Their journey will take them to the depths of the Rotten Domain, where Sariah must wise a guiding beam out of the wild tale stored in a stone-carved game. The beam will lead them through the warring Goodlands—where the rot is on the move—to the land beyond the Bastions, where a zealous people guard an ancient stone that could hold the key to their search. Along the way, Sariah and Kael must overcome deadly traps, torture, heartbreak, agonizing defeat and devastating losses in a desperate attempt to avoid war and answer the mysterious call of the stone. 
-------------------------------------------------

Winner of the 2012 Independent Publisher (IPPY) Silver Medal for SF/F

Finalist for the 2012 ForeWord Book of the Year Award for SF/F

"Do you know why the stones grieve?" the woman said to Kael. "Not for a soul, I'll tell you that much. The stones don't grieve for the passing of a lowly woman or the madness of a smitten man. They don't mourn death, or lost love, or broken dreams, or loneliness or despair. Yet you will make them wail. For you, the stones will weep."

In their most perilous adventure yet, Sariah, the rogue stonewiser who stunned the world by discovering lies in the stones and defying the all-powerful Guild, and Kael, the rebel leader who against all odds loves her, must find a stolen child, the only one capable of setting rule upon chaos, preserving the future of stonewising, and defeating the rot ravaging the land. The stakes couldn't be higher. The coveted child they seek is said to be an abomination. He is also their son.

It's a daunting challenge. Their child is in the hands of a deceitful enemy who has fled to a mysterious ruler, a rival deity with unfathomable powers pledged to destroy the goddess and eradicate stonewising from the world. Worse yet, the land is engulfed in strife, the rot is spreading faster than ever, and Kael is haunted by a malevolent curse compelling him to kill the woman he loves.

In a dangerous journey fraught with shocking twists, Sariah and Kael must do more than defeat their foes, unravel the mystifying forces vying to control their lives, and discover the mysteries of ages past. They must challenge the stones, defy the goddess and confront their cursed fates. Because only by embracing their destinies do they stand a chance to save their child and their world.

For those of you audio book lovers, the first book in the series, Stonewiser: The Heart of the Stone is now available from Audible. Be sure to check it out!
-------------------------------------------------
About Dora Machado
Dora Machado is the award winning author of the Stonewiser series and her newest novel, The Curse Giver, from Twilight Times Books, available July 2013. She is one of the few Latinas exploring her heritage and her world through the epic fantasy genre today. She holds a master's degree in business administration and graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Georgetown University. She was born in Michigan and grew up in the Dominican Republic, where she developed a bilingual fascination for writing, a love for history, and a taste for Merengue.

After a lifetime of straddling such compelling but different worlds, fantasy is a natural fit to her stories. She enjoys long walks, traveling, and connecting with the amazing readers who share in her mind's adventures. She lives in Florida with her indulging husband and three very opinionated cats. Visit her at www.DoraMachado.com.