Saturday, 25 October 2014

Sunday! Learn all about mystery writing with Melodie Campbell

...on Gail Anderson-Dargatz's Public Online Forum!  In real time.  All welcome.

Hey writers! This coming Sunday, Melodie Campbell, award-winning mystery writer, Canada's Queen of Comedy and executive director of Crime Writers of Canada, is our guest on my public online forum "Gail's Kitchen." I've asked Melodie to talk about mystery structure, offer some writing tips and give us an insider's view of this end of the industry. Please join our audience from 9 to 11 PST (noon to 2 ET).


Friday, 24 October 2014

THE GODDAUGHTER CAPER coming in 2016! Contracts signed....

I'm very pleased to announce that THE GODDAUGHTER CAPER, book 4 in the award-winning Goddaughter mob comedy series, will be published by Orca Books in 2016.

Gina, Nico and the Last Chance Club from the Holy Cannoli Retirement Home will be back with another zany adventure.  The Last Chance Club was first introduced in this book, released last week:

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Crowdfunding nEveremore! An anthology of mystery, murder and the macabre...

We're pleased to lend this page to good friend and colleague Caro Soles for a very interesting project!  Read below.
Caro Soles, co-editor with Nancy Kilpatrick 
We have a great concept, a publisher, big names writing for us, and three spots for anyone who wants to enter a story in our Contest, run from the Indiegogo Crowdfunding site. Why do we need funding? Because this venture follows the growing trend of making small projects from non-major presses into big books that are able to pay professional rates just like the big guys. And it is working! But we are running out of time, and if we do not meet our goal by this Thursday night, we lose everything. We need your support! Now! We believe that this campaign is for anyone who values the arts, particularly publishing, and wants to support an intriguing project. If you care about the value of the arts, if you care about literature, supporting us will provide you with the wonderful feeling of aiding this art form directly, helping literature stay alive and remain healthy, and paying writers what they deserve! Art is worth something. Artists should be paid. nEvermore! is an anthology for readers who enjoy the Gothic style in both mysteries and weird, dark fiction and who want to explore a blending of these two realms in the story-style of Edgar Allan Poe. Help bring a touch of gothic into our world! Click this link and make your contribution. And choose a Poe-themed perk! Some of them are fun. Some unique. All unusual. Just our way of thanking you for being a Patron of the Arts!

Monday, 20 October 2014

My Dog thinks his name is Dammit

(as seen in The Sage)

by BAD GIRL  (Melodie Campbell)

So I wanted something tall dark and handsome, and what I got was something short, blond and furry.   

Actually, I was given the choice of having another kid or getting a dog – and all parents will understand this immediately – I chose the dog.  Delivery is faster, and you don’t have to start saving for university.

Sunny is a Frankenpoodle, ergo, the sort of dog that Dr. Frankenstein might have created.  He is maybe short for a horse, but not for a dog.  We call him a “giraffe in a dog suit.”

Unfortunately, he is eighteen months old and lacks judgement.  This means he retrieves absolutely everything.  Soggy, old cigarette packages, other animal doo-doo, and his current favorite, old mouse skulls.  If I’m really lucky, he deposits them right on my lap.

The other problem with water dogs is, of course, that they love water.  Happily, this makes them easy to bathe (just run the bath, and they’ll jump in.)  Sadly, they are not too discerning about what they use as a bathtub.

Here’s what happened just the other day:

Me:  Where’s the dog?

Him:  Huh?

Me:  You know…the mutt, the mangy curr, your canine son and heir.  It’s too quiet in here.  Where is he?

Him:  I don’t know.  I just got out of the bathroom.

Me (horror-stricken):  You didn’t leave the door open?  AND THE SEAT UP?

I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.

According to the book, these dogs are quite easy to train.  This may be true compared to training iguanas or dump trucks, but I think Sunny needs a lot of work.  Witness yesterday at the park:

Me:  COME Sunny!  COME boy!  Clever boy.  Come!  COME HERE DAMMIT!  Will someone get the damned dog off that Pekinese…wait a minute.  He’s coming!  He’s actually coming!  Good Boy!   Good dog!  Where’d he go?  COME BACK, DAMMIT.

Yes, my dog thinks his name is Dammit.

Dogs also know that everything in life serves one of two purposes.  It’s either for playing with or for eating.  Sunny follows this rule to the letter, testing all new objects for ‘playability.’  Squirrels respond to being barked at and chased, by frantically running away.  This puts them in the play category.  Socks, on the other hand, don’t run away, so they’re for eating.  Sunny’s first victim was a pink nylon doll sock which disappeared one evening about suppertime, and found its way to his other end shortly after noon the next day. 

The next victim, I regret to say, is all my fault.  I don’t know how he captured my pink bikini undies, but I do know I’m not letting him out of the house until they show up again.  No way is he going to barf up my panties in front of all the neighbours.  (“Oh look, dear!  She shops at Walmart.”) 

Ever wonder how those lone abandoned socks find their way to the side of the road?  I bet you thought they blew out of car windows.

Melodie Campbell writes funny books, like The Artful Goddaughter mob caper, available at Chapters and all online retailers.

Sunday, 28 September 2014


(as seen on Sleuthsayers)

By Melodie Campbell

Recently, I read something  that got me thinking.  (Okay, have your little laugh.  I can wait.)

The quote was:

“A writer who isn’t writing is a monster.”

At first, I wasn’t sure if that meant a writer who wasn’t writing right now and every minute was a monster.  Or whether it meant a writer who was prevented from writing was a monster.

For the sake of all concerned (at least in this house,) I’m goin’ for the latter.

Which brings me to this little list.  If you are a writer, tick off the ones that apply to you and leave a comment before.  Or better still, add your own.  If you are not a writer, stand back.

You know you’re an author when:

1.    You’d rather spend time with your characters than your friends.

2.    You’ve been at the computer all day and Nachos seem like a major food group.

3.    Your spouse yells “Are you all right in there,” and you’re pretty sure you’ve heard that voice before.  Somewhere.

4.    Your idea of a vacation means hours and hours of time to write.  And nobody bugging you to “do something.”

5.    You reach for Glenlivit when the internet goes down.

6.    You could be arrested if the Feds look at your search history.

7.    You actually know the difference between less and fewer.  And consider it a hanging offence when people misuse them.

8.    You have been known to ignore phone calls from your mom, kids, husband, boss, and possibly God.

9.    Your idea of supreme hell is being trapped at a cocktail party for three hours with people who aren’t writers.

10.    You have seriously considered murdering people who say, “I have this great idea for a book, and if you’ll write it, I’ll share the profits with you.”   And the ones who say, “I think I’ll write a book someday when I get more time.”  And the ones who say, “Of course, it’s just a mystery/fantasy/romance genre book you’ve written.  When are you going to write something important?”

Excuse me now.  I have a lot of people to murder, and I’m behind.

Melodie Campbell murders people regularly in her zany mob crime series, The Goddaughter.