Monday, 20 March 2017

Why I would make a lousy Disney Princess by Bad Girl


Bad Girl here, with a sad revelation.  I would make a lousy Disney Princess.  This goes back to my early childhood days, when it occurred to me that being a princess might actually suck.  “Princess? 
Why would I want to be a freaking princess?  Doesn’t the Queen have all the power?  Who cares about being pretty and wearing pink.  Give me control of the charge card, thank you very much.  And the castle, while you’re at it.”


Okay, so I may have a slight aversion to the helpless female trope.  It frustrated the hell out of me that every damned fairytale princess was a helpless ninny.  What kind of role model is that?


So it occurred to me that a few scripts could use some rewriting.  Dialogue is my thing, so here goes.  (With apologies to just about everybody in the entire world.)


Cinderella:  “What do you mean, I have to sweep all the floors in here?  Is this the dark ages or something?  You’re clearly affluent, right? Hey! You! Pick up the phone and call Molly Maids.”


Sleeping Beauty:  “You’ve got to be kidding.  Sleep for 100 years? <hysterical laughter> I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in years, and I’ve tried everything, believe me.  Melatonin, meditation, little blue pills… Listen, sister, if you think you can spell-me, BRING IT ON.  Don’t bother with the mincey Prince, either.”


Snow White:  “Em…thanks very much for the offer of a real Prince, but I’ll pass.  I’m doing pretty well here with these seven dwarfs. In fact, Grumpy isn’t grumpy any more, and I’m thinking of renaming him Randy…”


I’ll stop there, before the hate mail starts.


Okay, so I think we all agree that I would make a lousy Disney Princess.  All is not lost though.  I make a damn-good Jewish one.




More comedy about a mob princess!  Just launched at Chapters, Barnes &Noble, Amazon and all the usual suspects.  Book 5 in the award-winning Goddaughter series.






Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Probably the zaniest interview of my career...Which actress would you like to play Gina?

(reposted with permission)

As Gina gets ready for her Christmas wedding, all is quiet in Steeltown. Then she’s robbed, cousin
Jimmy has a heart attack, and someone in the city has hijacked a transport truck full of booze. But who? And why? Gina knows bootlegging used to be a family business, but they stopped that in the ’30s. Didn’t they? Gina and Nico work feverishly to keep the latest bungled family matter under wraps, but the police are closing in. And, once again, everything points to the Holy Cannoli Retirement Home.  
The Bootlegger’s Goddaughter is the fifth book in the Gina Gallo Mystery series.

What kind of research did you do for your book?

Um…keeping this rather vague as I look really bad in the color orange. But this book is called The Bootlegger’s Goddaughter. There’s a clue in that title.

Do you write in chronological order?

I usually start by writing the beginning twenty pages, to see if it’s something I want to continue writing. Then I skip to the end, to make sure I’ve got a great ending–I always know how it will finish before I start a book. Then I go back to the beginning and revise if necessary, then write forward from there to the ending.
Okay, sometimes if there’s a scene I’m really excited to write, I’ll step out of order and just write the bloody thing. Comedy does that to me. It comes in bursts.

What’s the hardest part of writing?

The actual writing of the first draft. It’s hard. The thinking is fun. The playing it all out in my head is fun. The editing to make it better is fun. But the writing of the first draft…that’s a whole lot of work.

What’s your favorite form of procrastination?

His name is Frankenpoodle. He lies on the couch next to my computer (the whole couch – hence “Franken.”) When he isn’t lying on the couch, he’s dragging me to the treat drawer or pushing me outside for walks.

What book do you wish you wrote?

The whole Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich. I prefer Janet’s bank account to mine.

What is your favourite aspect / part of your new book?

The comedy. I’m particularly fond of Aunt Miriam–“If you think the men in our family are scary, wait ‘til you meet the women.” Nico has another fun role in this book, and the Last Chance Club from the Holy Cannoli Retirement Villa are back:
“That’s what the underground funeral home was all about. They wanted to raise money to play the tables.”
“I get it, Nico. Embalming for dollars. Continue.”
And of course, this time there’s a crow.

What is your writing ritual?

Wake up. Get coffee. Drink coffee. Boot up computer. Look around on Facebook. Drink more coffee. Bring up work in progress. Reread. Whine. More coffee. Fill up again in the kitchen. Back to desk. Sob a bit. Start writing.

Which actress would you choose to play your protagonist in a movie?

Zoe Deschenal from New Girl would make a fun Gina. If I could go back a decade, Tina Fey would have been great.
The Bootlegger’s Goddaughter is available now.
Melodie Campbell
Melodie Campbell achieved a personal best when Library Journal compared her to Janet Evanovich. Melodie got her start writing comedy. Her work has appeared in Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine, Star magazine, Canadian Living, the Toronto Star, the Globe and Mail and many more. She lives in Oakville, Ontario. For more information, visit www.melodiecampbell.com.

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Thursday, 9 March 2017

The Biggest High for an Author!

Absolutely delightful to see a pix of yourself signing at the OLA conference (ORCA booth) and then a pix of a reader holding your book back at her high school library!


<also cool...I don't want to kill myself when I see this pix>

The Bootlegger's Goddaughter is an adult crime comedy, suitable for 14+.

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

In which our bad girl confesses...sort of

Q: What kind of research did you do for your book?

A: Um…keeping this rather vague as I look really bad in the color orange. But this book is called The Bootlegger’s Goddaughter. There’s a clue in that title.

See the rest of the interview here!

http://blog.orcabook.com/category/author-interviews/