Read the National Expirer
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I just got an invitation to a ritzy wedding, and wouldn’t you know, I’m supposed to bring an escort. What should I do? I’m between men right now.
Bring both. (I never mind being between men, honey.)
Help! All these chores need to be done and I’m exhausted. What can I do? The baby was sick again and kept me up all night.
Sorry honey, but you married him.
I’ve just found out that the guy I’ve been dating is a real snake. What should I do?
Belt him. (Act fast: this relationship is bound to be constricting.)
I am a born again Christian and now have a totally different perception of the afterlife. I urge you to give up your misguided ways and find the true meaning of life.
Signed, Second Chance
No thanks. I wanted to be born again, but Mom said No.