Worst Typos EVER (in which our Comedy Writer gets laughs without even trying)

By Melodie Campbell (Bad Girl)

Ever make a really bad typo?  I mean really bad.

My worst ever professional mistake was in an Annual Report for a one-hundred-million dollar corporation, when I was the director of marketing and communications.  Unfortunately, an innocent little ‘t’ went missing from the word ‘assets.’  The board was not amused by “This year, we experienced an increase in corporate asses.”

Recently, I found out what one little vowel can do to Rowena and the Dark Lord, book 2 in the Land’s End sexy fantasy series.

Okay, REALLY uncool when the publicist misspells the name of your book on the launch announcements.

Rowena and the Dark LARD is probably not the best way to get sales for a ‘Outlander meets Sex and the City’ fantasy series.

However, as I do write comedy, I'm thinking about a parody.

Is it okay to write a parody of your own book?

Draft one: ROWENA AND THE DARK LARD

Synopsis 1: Rowena moves back to Land’s End and opens up a bakery.

Synopsis 2: Cedric’s use of dark magic goes totally out of control, and so does his appetite.

Synopsis 3: Thane and Rowena return to Land’s End and become pig farmers.

Synopsis 4: Rowena messes up another spell that causes all who look at her to turn into donuts.

Synopsis 5: Rowena kills off Nigella Lawson in a battle with pastry rollers, and assumes the role

of Prime Time Network Food Goddess <sic>.

Synopsis 6: Someone takes a totally justified whack at the author. End of series.

Postscript: Recently was quoted by someone as the author of ROWENA AND THE DORK LORD.  Trial for murder is pending.

Post postscript (where is a Latin scholar when you need one?):  Another contract is out for the professional book tour company last month, who, in all their advertising, inadvertently switched book 3 Rowena and the Viking Warlord to… wait for it… Viking Landlord.  Yup.  Obviously there will be hell to pay if you forget the rent. 

Excerpt from Rowena and the Dark Lord:

Men’s voices again, echoing like souls lost in a fog. The mist lifted in one swift movement to disappear into nothingness. In its place, were at least a hundred men.

Bugger. I messed up.

“Houston, we have a problem,” I said out loud. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I must have pronounced one of the spell words wrong.

“Who is Houston?” Lars said.

“Romans!” Gareth hissed. He drew his sword.

“Romans?” I stared at the battle-scarred men before us. They looked exhausted. They also looked bloody, dirty and rather short. Not to mention confused.

How the heck could they be Romans?

Someone yelled “Form Square!” in—yup—that was Latin.

“What the hell?” I stared. The men came to life moving with purpose into a square. Within seconds we were facing a shield wall bristling with spears.

The man on horseback stared at me. No stirrups on his saddle. A helmet that was in history books. Definitely Roman. I stared back at him.

Romans? In this time? What the poop had I done?

“It’s a freaking temporal rift!” My laugh was strident. “Where is Spock when you need him?”

Amazon link for Rowena and the Dark Lord:

 Amazon

HUGE DARK LORD LAUNCH GIVEAWAY! 10 Authors (no, we're not giving away the authors...) 15 books and $50 gift card!

ROWENA AND THE DARK LORD LAUNCH GIVEAWAY! Many thanks to the authors who contributed for this terrific giveaway. Click below to enter. WARNING: Many of these books are HOT! a Rafflecopter giveaway

IT'S HERE! ROWENA AND THE DARK LORD, book 2 in the Land's End fantasy series

Now available: ROWENA AND THE DARK LORD! book 2 in the Land's End fantasy series. Reviews:
"Game of Thrones Lite"
"The Princess Bride with Sex"

 For a very limited time, ebook available at the special introductory price of .99! (will retail at 3.99)

Paperback coming soon.
http://www.amazon.com/Rowena-Dark-Lord-Lands-ebook/dp/B00CIZZS70

"Swords, sex and comedy...can it get any better than that!" Former Editor Distant Suns Fantasy Magazine

 

  AND THERE'S MORE! Cyberparty with HUGE giveaways on MAY 1!  Details coming soon.

What's Behind YOUR Wall?

(Cursor down for Contest)

Have you ever needed to escape your life for even a little while? 

Rowena Through the Wall came about because I needed to find a world to escape to in order to cope with things happening in my own life that I could not control.

I was sitting in the hospital by my mother’s bedside in the palliative care ward.  For the 36^th time, she had been admitted to hospital, dying.  Thirty-five times, they had brought her back to life.  This time…

I have no sisters and my only brother is autistic.  The burden of care was mine to bear and this time the weight of it was almost too much.  I looked at the dreary hospital room wall and wished I could walk through it to another world.  That night, Rowena got her start.

Every day, I would go to work, then run to the hospital for my ‘shift’ with Mom.  When they kicked me out, I would dash home, and escape into the world that I could control.

The world of Rowena Through the Wall.

Rowena falls through her classroom wall into a medieval world, and the adventures start almost immediately.  At my mother’s bedside, I would play a little game of  ‘what’s the worst thing that could happen to Rowena now?’  Or – ‘what’s the funniest thing – what’s the craziest thing?’   I would jot these ideas down in a journal in between attending to my mother’s personal care chores, and then, when home late at night, I would start writing.

I didn’t get much sleep during this time.  I couldn’t sleep anyway because of Mom, so why not put those sleepless hours to good use?  Each new adventure Rowena had gave me a burst of energy that helped me deal with news that got worse and worse. 

I could control the world of Rowena.  I could satisfy my need for escape by putting Rowena in dangerous and sometimes riotous situations that she could use her wits to get out of.  I could live vicariously through my heroine.

They sent my mother home to die, and she didn’t.  She is nearly blind, on oxygen and failing again, but last week I put the paperback of Rowena Through the Wall into her hands.  And now I am half way through book two of the series.

CONTEST CHALLENGE!

What’s behind your wall?

Everyone needs an imaginary escape.

If you could walk through a portal in your wall, what would you find at the other side?

Comment here with what’s behind your wall!  One lucky person, drawn randomly, will win two free ebooks!  Contest ends July 31.

David Wisehart Interviews Melodie Campbell for Kindle Author!

Thank you, David, for the lovely interview on Kindle Author!  Mere days before the release of Rowena Through the Wall in trade paperback. (Watch for the announcement.)

Do click on this interview link - comments welcome!
http://kindle-author.blogspot.com/2011/06/kindle-author-interview-melodie.html

Rowena Through the Wall now available on Smashwords and Amazon.com!

Review of Rowena Through the Wall by Midwest Book Review

"Thus begins one of the most fabulous fantasy adventures I've ever read"

Impossible to put down! I’m panting, like a love-starved Cinderella!

Wow—author Melodie Campbell is certainly versatile! Some time ago, when I read a short horror story by her in an Alfred Hitchcock magazine, I never thought I’d see her name on a thrilling romance novel. But what a pleasure it turns out to be…

Just as Campbell had me biting my nails till the end of her horror story, with Rowena Through the Wall she has me panting for my own Prince, like a love-starved Cinderella.

Campbell hooked me from the first scene when the main protagonist, college instructor Rowena Revel, gets the shock of her life when a handsome hunk of a man appears in her classroom. He’s dressed in medieval attire and carrying a sword… something out of the most romantic fantasy she’s ever read. When she approaches him, he gets the shock of his life by the fact she can see him. When she speaks to him, he disappears right before her eyes.

Neither realize that Rowena’s classroom wall is the magic portal that leads to the man’s alternate world, so they are both baffled. Row starts having sexy dreams of gorgeous, tunic-clad men in a rugged country, but when they start walking through that wall at ease, her curiosity gets the best of her. Inevitably, when she begins investigating the wall, she accidentally falls through into an alternate universe where she is kidnapped, not once, but twice.

According to the book’s pre-publicity “the stakes get higher as the men get hotter.” Well, if that isn’t a line to keep even the least romantic woman reading, I don’t know what is! I tell you, this author is good!

Thus begins one of the most fabulous fantasy adventures I’ve ever read. Not only is this a romantic comedy, it’s also a thriller with Row’s future at stake. Besides the obvious sexual reasons, why do these handsome men need Row so badly? Why do they vie for her attention? How in the world does she “accidentally” marry her cousin Ivan? How does Cedric fit into the picture? Is his heart really as black as the magic he practices? And how does she feel about the most glorious male of them all—Thane the Viking?

As if that isn’t enough, throw in a Goth-student who follows Row through the portal. Do her actions place her teacher in even more danger? If so, it’s a good thing they can go back through the portal—or can they?

To find the answers, you’ll have to read this top-notch book for yourself. I promise you a fun, sexy time fraught with enough adventures with gorgeous males to last a lifetime.

This is a hot, hilarious, romantic fantasy that enthralls you from the first line. If you enjoy Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series, you'll adore Rowena and her riotous romps in an alternate world…

What I’d like to ask this author is: Just where is MY wall?

Review by Betty Dravis, June 5, 2011
Author of “Dream Reachers II” (with Chase Von) and other books

Rowena Through the Wall (Imajin Books) - ebook available later this month on Amazon.com and other retailers. Paperback coming in July.