Saturday, 28 April 2012

I AM NOT A “sexy porn gerl” and other Twitter Mishaps


It started with the Berlin Brothel.  Lord knows why a brothel in Berlin decided to follow me on Twitter.  I don’t live in Berlin.  I’ve never worked in a brothel.  Don’t think I’ve even typed the word ‘brothel’ before now.  I certainly haven’t said it out loud.

Then some wag from Crime Writers of Canada said: “Maybe they’ve read Rowena Through the Wall.  That’s it!  The girls who work there have to do something in their downtime.”

Let me do a cyberspace blush here.  Okay, my book is a little hot.  “Hot and hilarious” as one reviewer put it.  But it’s not x-rated.  It’s not even R, according to my daughter.  (Husband has yet to read it.  We’ve hidden it well.)

But back to Berlin.  I didn’t follow them back.

Somehow, that didn’t matter.  The word was out.

‘Amateurvids’ announced they were following me.  Good, I thought.  I like nature films.  Take it from me, this outfit doesn’t film bunnies in the wild.  Well, maybe a certain type of wild bunny.

I didn’t follow them back.

Next, I got “Swingersconnect” following me.  Swingers?  I get sick on a tire hanging from a tree!

I didn’t follow them back.

Then two days ago, an outfit specializing in ‘male penis enhancement’ turned up.  Now, I ask you.  Do I look like a male in my profile photo?  Is Melodie a male name?  And not to be pedantic, but isn’t ‘male’ in front of the p-word a bit redundant?  Is there any other kind?

Which brings me to the tweet in my twitter-box today:  “Hey sexy porn gerl!” (yes, that’s girl with an e).  Let me state categorically that I am not now and have never been a “sexy porn gerl” (with an ‘e’ or any other vowel).

You wouldn’t want me to be.  No one would.  For one thing, I can’t see two feet in front of me without glasses.  Things that used to be perky now swing south. And my back hurts if I bend over to pick up a grape. 

So I’m not following them back.


7 comments:

  1. There's a story in this, Mel. So take notes. How did you know that everyone in the CWC calls you sexy porn gerl anyway?

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  2. Did you know that melodie is German for melody? Maybe the Berlin Brothel thinks you're a musical cross-dresser?

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  3. Good thing I read this after I visited the loo - I laughed way too hard and could've been embarrassed. This is the best.

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  4. Aha, there is something nefarious afoot. I just had a message on Twitter from someone who's name sounds female: "Wunderful TK Sex Gerl". Huh? Anyway, Mel, hilarious blog, and you're still way ahead in the suggestive twitter race. Of course, Rowena has NOTHING to do with it. (And has Dave never read it, really? Hmmm.)

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  5. You were complaining that you didn't have enough Twitter followers, Mel. Just trying to help you out with some hot referrals. There are more on the way...promise.

    You go, gorl!

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  6. Eileen, you should come with a WARNING label!
    Lou, don't you DARE repeat that!
    And the rest of you....
    sigh. I am grinning.

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