Many thanks to
those demented people who asked for more of Morticia. (reprinted with permission from the deluded places that pay me)
Brought to you by: MORTICIA & CO., Distributors of Aftermarket Body Parts.
Dear Morticia;
My husband was married once before. When he passes on, would it be appropriate to bury him beside his first wife?
Signed Planning Ahead
Dear Head;
Only if she's dead first.
Dear Morticia;
I keep asking my boss for a raise, but he keeps saying no. As a last resort, I'm thinking of offering him my body. Think it will work?
Signed Blondie in Bowmanville
Dear Blondie;
Gee, I don't know. Chances are he has a perfectly good body of his own.
Dear Morticia;
What is the quickest way to a woman's heart?
No Don Juan
Dear No Don;
Zippered sweaters, although wrap-around blouses run a close second.
Brought to you by: MORTICIA & CO., Distributors of Aftermarket Body Parts.
Dear Morticia;
My husband was married once before. When he passes on, would it be appropriate to bury him beside his first wife?
Signed Planning Ahead
Dear Head;
Only if she's dead first.
Dear Morticia;
I keep asking my boss for a raise, but he keeps saying no. As a last resort, I'm thinking of offering him my body. Think it will work?
Signed Blondie in Bowmanville
Dear Blondie;
Gee, I don't know. Chances are he has a perfectly good body of his own.
Dear Morticia;
What is the quickest way to a woman's heart?
No Don Juan
Dear No Don;
Zippered sweaters, although wrap-around blouses run a close second.
Dear Morticia;
My boyfriend and I won a hundred thousand dollars in a lottery. I want to buy a house and he wants to buy a 427 AC Cobra sports car. What should we do?
My boyfriend and I won a hundred thousand dollars in a lottery. I want to buy a house and he wants to buy a 427 AC Cobra sports car. What should we do?
Signed Homeless
Dear Less;
Recent reports suggest that it is very difficult if not impossible to prepare a proper meal on a 427 engine block. On the other hand, most houses built today can't travel at more than 2 miles per hours. Tell you what. Forward the winnings to my address and I'll do a test run for ya.
Dear Less;
Recent reports suggest that it is very difficult if not impossible to prepare a proper meal on a 427 engine block. On the other hand, most houses built today can't travel at more than 2 miles per hours. Tell you what. Forward the winnings to my address and I'll do a test run for ya.
(Okay, a secret. This last one is my personal favourite. Yes even demented comedy writers have favourites. See you next week, if you can stand it.)
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