Saturday, 5 January 2013

Bring me Italian and hold the Salad - more anti-diet comedy

“I am SO not a salad girl.”

Some people say this is one of the funniest lines in my screwball comedy novel, THE GODDAUGHTER.  It is spoken by Gino Galla, goddaughter to the mob boss in Hamilton, the city of steel.  Gina is a curvy girl.  She says this line to her new guy Pete, as a kind of warning.

I’ve come to the conclusion that women who remain slim past the age of 40 actually like salad.  Yes, it’s an astonishing fact.  For some people, eating raw green weeds is not a punishment. 

Not me.  I’m Italian.  We know our food.  Ever been to an Italian wedding?  First, you load up with appetizers and wine, or Campari with Orange Juice if you’re lucky.  When you are too stuffed to stand  up anymore (why did you wear three inch heels?  Honestly you do this every time…) you sit down at a table, kerplunk.  

Bring on the antipasto.  Genoa sausage, olives, marinated veggies, breadsticks, yum.  Melon with prosciutto.  Bread with olive oil/balsamic vinegar dip.  White wine.  Then comes the pasta al olio.  Sublime.  

Carbs are important fuel, right?  And I’m gonna need that fuel to get through the main course, because it’s likely to be roast chicken, veal parmesan, osso buco, risotto, polenta, stuffed artichokes (yum), more bread, red wine.

Ever notice that salad is served after the main course in an Italian meal?  Good reason for that.  We aren’t stupid.  Hopefully, you will have no room left for it.

If you do manage to eat it, you’ll be so stuffed from what came before that you won’t even notice.

So you can be a bunny and eat salad all you like.  Bunnies are cute and harmless.

But I am more like a frontier wolf.   Try to feed me only salad, and see how harmless I am.


  1. I love salad... as long as it comes with Genoa sausage, olives, prosciutto, bread, wine and marinated vegetables. If I also happen to be a little marinated with Campari and orange juice, even better.

  2. I've had the flu for three weeks and gained 3 1/2 pounds. Pizza, perogies, cheesecake, I need to keep my strength up. Ask me if I ate salad. I dare you, just ask me.